Wedensday mornings at our house

My husband is on shift Monday and Tuesdays so the boys and I take a little vacation from housework and cooking. We play, watch movies, and chill with exception of picking the garden and feeding the animals. The old me would wake up whenever, work on rent houses and real estate all day, come home put on my jammies and couch it for the rest of the night only making dinner a couple nights a week the rest were on their own. I had shows no one could talk through or interrupt mom and I really felt I deserved it after working all day. Im not a dirty person, but could careless if the dishes werent washed the second they were dirty or the laundry wasnt caught up. I emptied the trash, cleaned the bathrooms and wiped down the kitchen, in my mind who cares and if they care then they can do it themselves because Im tired. I later learned that I was depressed not just tired. The guilt of feeling depressed when you have nothing to be depressed about is depressing in itself. I had everything I wanted and wasnt happy go figure the saying "money cant buy happiness"....oh yea, its true. When I left my husband and farm, I wanted simplicity. I am a city girl and living out in the country where my husband had brought another woman in was tearing me apart, my emotions got the best of me and my finances were a disaster. I thought I could buy everything I wanted and be happy, I was wrong...I had HUGE amounts of debt and worked nonstop to put food on the table only robbing peter to pay paul. At the time neither of us had an actual job other than living off our rental properties and me selling real estate, but yet we lived this life of luxury pretending to have it all together but both so deeply miserable. I had to get over myself. I moved into a 1000 sq ft duplex in a not so fancy neighborhood. My lexus looked out of place parked in the driveway but again, I was trying to get over myself and humbly lived there. I was now a single mom every other week and a single woman every other week. I couldnt afford cable so rabbit ears it was duct taped to the window (yes, I know). I ran up more credit furnishing it and it became my little place. I LOVED it, every minute of it!! Not only was I in town but the place was nothing to clean up and so quiet when I had a week to myself. Since I had no cable, I began to read book after book and my life began transformation. As I learned all the things I should have been and realized I was none of them, my heart felt so sad that I treated the people I loved the most (hubby and kids) the way I did. I didnt deserve them, yet they loved me anyway through it all. I started doing things with my boys and they were loving it, renting video games and cherryberry visits at 9:00 at night after work, school, soccer are ya kidding? I was off my rocker! The boys behavior started to change and I enjoyed being around them. I found a love for my kids that I had never had before, we did our small chores and errands and had park play days, picnics, played with other people and their kids (not done before). I even loaded them up and took them to Kansas City on my own and stayed in Snoopy land cabin and did the whole water park thing....we had a blast! No cable and 1000 sq ft for 4 people will motivate anyone to get out and do something other than cram in the duplex. I went to work at a job for salary and sold real estate on the side. I decided I was going to learn to live off a budget and paycheck. Ill be honest I didnt make it every month...There were times when I could not buy food or necessities but I prayed through those moments and God provided eveytime. I organized my real estate money to put half in savings and pay off debt with the rest. I left my rents alone to pay for only rental home expenses and lived off a less than poverty salary level with no child support (my choice). I still had one in daycare that sucked money faster than gas almost. It was easy to be a proverbs 31 in this situation, I was by myself and I was learning to be a mom and changing the way I interacted with people.

When I started dating my husband again and began staying back out on the farm, I was excited! I wanted to be his helper like God called me to do. I volunteered to do everything and if he was he was gone, I would go up there and do stuff I knew he needed to get done so that when he got off work he didnt have to do it, he could spend his time with the kids and I. I was going to be superwoman well really "Martha 31". My man was happy, my kids were happy and then school started and life became real and busy again. Just when I thought my life would be differnt and happy this time because I changed, the thoughts started settling in and the bitterness tried to sneak in. My head conversations went something like this, "why am I doing all this to make someone else happy, Im driving myself nuts, he works the same as I do and if he wants all this stuff done then he can do it himself".....OH NO!!! WHY? How can this be happening? Well, think back to when you started dating and newly married, "yes, the honeymoon stage" where life is perfect then the new becomes old and our real character shines and the "make it or break it phase" begins.....Its not that I was faking it or pretending, I really wanted to be that person but at one point I realized Im just not. What the heck do I do now? I cant move my my kids out and go back to single life because it was easier, I CHOSE to stay. There is a difference when you feel like you have to be there and are choosing to be there. We take things forgranted and use the term marriage so loosly and as a bargaining tool that we throw around. It wouldnt be fair for me to choose to stay and not be the person God asked me to be through his passages by not holding up my end of the deal....so every Wedensday morning the alarm goes off hours before my husband gets home and the scrubbing begins....the entire house is cleaned top to bottom, fresh tea is made and on the table and breakfast is on the table upon the anticipated arrival of dad. Ive learned the house should be relaxing and welcoming and its my job as house manager to keep it that way. I gave you the nice version, but let me share what really happens.....the house is trashed, kids are scramblin everywhere to get everything done before dad pulls up the driveway....the window is monitored for the final countdown and breakfast is flying through the air like a clip from top chef being timed for competition. Its pretty crazy! We turn the air down a few notches because dad likes it cold, we get our chores done and all cleaned up so we appear that we have it all together....WHEW!!! All before his truck rolls in at 9:15 and if he's late, its just a bonus time lol. You could either be going yah right or wondering why....but if you could see the look on his face of approval like we do when he walks in you would you know its all worth it and works in line with Gods plans and promises for marriage and family. I will spend the rest of my life making up the last ten miserbale years that I put him through and do it with a smile on my face. I have five days to be "Martha 31" before my "vacation" begins again and I will plan every meal, keep the house, keep myself clean and looking nice, plan family time and a little bonus feature towards the night hours and throw in a few unexpected surprises, it is our job as woman to make this happen for our men regardless what we get in return. You do your part and God will do his. Why cant we honeymoon everyday? Why does it end? It doesnt have to if you choose to not let it. Ive been all in one year and counting!!!