On the search to seeking Gods will

I grew up learning that if everything around me is falling apart, then maybe its me. Its taken years in my adult life to interpret things that have fallen apart for me and what they were supposed to mean. Theres the serendipity phrase, "ifs its meant to be it will" and "when a door closes another opens". Why do bad things happen to good people has been in my heart since my best friend was diagnosed with cancer in kindergarten and I have questioned God ever since. Through the years, it seems that the most tragic events happen to the best people and their families, I just cant imagine. Going through my own very small trials compared to the rest of the world, I have shaped and molded and reformed myself multiple times with the same outcomes when it comes to relationships with people. I still wonder if its me or even the possibility that I choose the same type of people around me therefore getting the same results in the end. I have been in bed with what appears to be a