BEWARE: Words can betray your heart

Are you a hopeless romantic? Are you caught up in love stories and movies and find yourself desiring that kind of love? Do you look at other men or women and wish your husband or wife was like them? It's easy to to desire another person that you start out by admiring, but when your thoughts turn more into wishing or hoping your significant other was more like them your in the red zone. Watchout, you are in danger and your heart can be snatched away without even realizing it. I never believed in emotional affairs, it wasnt cheating unless there was physical contact, oh boy was I wrong (AGAIN). I have not only been caught up in this once, but twice in ten years of marriage. The old me (prechrist) felt that there was nothing wrong with having male friends, especially those that I knew almost my whole life. My thought was this towards my husband "Ive known them a whole lot longer than you and they will be for me when your gone"....I WAS SO WRONG, and I will be the first to admit it. The first time was a business guy, the typical realtor and loan officer doing a deal. He wasnt attractive, so I was naturally not concerned and even if he was attractive, I knew myself and cheating wasnt in me. Of course, my marriage was a wreck (my fault) and talking to someone that could hold an intelligent conversation was a breath of fresh air. I met him for a business lunch, he creeped me out and I told my husband . I thought of it as a business contact and didnt see a problem with me meeting for lunch. I still continued to talk to the guy, we were doing a real estate transaction together with a mutual client. He expressed his interest in rental properties and flips so he invited me to his house to give him "advice" (oh yea, I fell for it). As soon as I realized there was more to that, I got in my car and left. What I didnt know at the time is that my husband had already followed me and checked out the guy and it was seemingly worse to him. He never told me and held it all in until one day it exploded and told me I was cheating on him, which I specifically left that guys house making the decision, I was not that person and chose my family. I thought I had made a really great stand for my marriage (that I really cared nothing about at the time) for respect of myself, my husband and my kids and here I was accused of cheating. Its easy to hear someone else on the other end of the line telling you how great you are. It wasnt a romantic interest, but what I learned when I left my husband several years later is that my heart even though it wasnt in that mans hand was not focused on my husband ,because if it was...it couldnt have been pulled. It is equally important for men and woman to give 120% to each other 100% of the time because if the other persons needs arent met, someone else will meet them even if its not sexually, the damage is just as tramatic on a relationship.

I believe several years after that my husbands heart was pulled from the woman he later had a sexual affair with, but it didnt start that way...they never do! It all starts with a void and someone comes along and starts filling that void or need and in my husbands case, he was treated with no respect, no love and no passion at home which he craved desperately. I will not make excuses for either of our behaviors and do not condone ANY kind of cheating in any way (now that Im aware theres more than one) but I can understand how it happens if we arent doing our part as husbands and wives. I grew very bitter that I chose to stand up for my family and walk away when I was faced with the decision to cheat physically and he didnt give me the same respect. Years of heartache and pain and yet in the end, I did the same thing to him just not realizing or acknowleding there was such a thing as emotional affair. There are rules a family should abide by and I will be the first to admit that they were the dumbest most boring way of living that I had ever heard in my old way of living. You dont talk to, text, meet or secretly facebook ANY person of the opposite sex without consent or acknowledgement of your spouse. Yes, we work with people and have other circumstances, but my point is this....once your thought gets into your mind, your heart has been affected which in return makes the mind do some crazy things. If you have to erase, hide, delete or codename any text, message, letter, email, inbox, or phone call....you are in the wrong and considered cheating because your heart has been pulled away from your spouse. Words turn into thoughts, thoughts turn into actions and actions turn in consequences just like King David. Lusting after someone turns into desire which turned into action, which turned into adultery which then turned into murder to cover up all from a thought and lie to the heart.

I decided it was finally time for a divorce and a old friend of the opposite sex just happened to be going through a divorce also (not coincindence....SATAN). We started talking about God and relationships, ourselves, our family, our mistakes and our hearts (HUGE MISTAKE). My heart desired and craved more and my mind was circling. I was still living at home and my husband knew I was talking to him in fact, he also knew him. I did find a place and moved out and of course this friend was with me all the way. It was assumed by many and relayed to most that I left my husband for another man, it is not the way it happened, my marriage had been over for many years and it was never the right time financially for me to move out or get divorced, but this time, I took the plunge and it backfired. The way I handled it all was wrong, timing was the worst. I of course knew at that time, nothing under my terms of cheating had taken place (at the time) and I battled what seemed like the world. It was nasty as expected, it was divorce and there were feelings of betrayl, hurt and anger from the way I did it. It was not intentional for things to happen that way, they just did. Again, I was hearing words all around me of either "its about time" or "are you kidding me" from people who thought we had it all together and never saw this coming. I heard and hung onto the "its about time" comments and went forward. I was dating before my divorce was final and being accused of cheating. My thoughts were we were only married because the system wouldnt let us get divorced yet because of the kids and a piece of paper...there was no marriage left and we lived in two different households. As far as I was concerned I was done, but soon after that I learned, I dont live life the way I want, I live the life Christ laid out for me. Christ says that I cheated with my eyes, ears, heart and in the end body and I was in the wrong. I am sorry that I wasnt a better example for my kids and that I let words betray my heart. Im sorry for all the pain I caused everyone and even though not intentional, I was very wrong. I learned so much being divorced for a year but I learned the most after ties to the old friend were broke (his choice). I didnt understand it at first but as I learned boundries for relationships which he was in, I respected him more for it and that action was followed by another male friend of mine once he found a relationship. I began to respect and value it and now embrace that concept, its a wonderful way to prevent footholds in your relationship. It was never my intent to work things out with my husband we had tried multiple times and I was done. I witnessed a series at church a year later about forgiveness and after careful consideration and alot of prayer....I contacted my husband (ex at the time) and asked for his forgiveness for my behavior and told him I have forgiven him for his and from that point of healing, God did something amazing by renewing my heart for him. I saw him in a new light and with the person I had become during that year he must have seen me in a new light because from that moment on we worked on rebuilding our family (it wasnt easy). That step alone of admitting my wrongness and forgiving proved that I really was changing who I was because that would have never happened prior. Im am very guarded about who I talk to and when. I have changed my clothing and attitude and work very hard to give my husband the respect he deserves and in return he provides me the same respect. We have each others passwords to social media and email and there are no passcodes on our phones (anymore). I think accountibilty is important and even though we arent constantly looking over each others shoulder, its comforting to know he can look at anything of mine and visa versa because we have nothing to hide. We all mess up and make mistakes, but again, if we keep these rules at the upmost high priority then the amount of love and respect build the unity of the relationship stronger. Guard your heart and your mnd.