On the search to seeking Gods will

I get a lot of compliments about the things I do and how good I am at them. To me Im just doing what I can and thought I was a hard worker and an overachiever, but people seem to think there isnt anything I cant do. I cant draw or cut a straight line or circle, I know that for a fact. But kidding aside, I just had a car conversation and therapy session with myself and I learned something new about myself last week. I already knew I had a fear (obsession really) of failure. I know it came from trying to please my military unrealistic parents from a small age when all I was told is how I could have done better and anything I did could have been better. It instilled me to work harder and harder hoping that one day I would please my parents and at 15 when I just couldnt please them, my friends or keep a boyfriend that I proceeded a few avenues of taking my own life. When my step mom told me not to ruin her new white carpet when I died so she didnt have a mess to clean, was the moment that