The start of an adventure....

Im at a place in my life where Im trying to find my place. Ive had great adventures and not so great experiences. Ive been stubborn and challenging to deal with and as I learn Gods will for his people and the roles of wives and mothers, my whole heart and life have transformed. Ive recently read a book about becoming a proverbs 31 woman and the term "Martha 31" was formed from a modern day Martha Stewart. I have been on a quest to serve and support my husband and be a role model for my family while changing the world and working, running a farm and so on. I have triumph days and many days where I just want to throw in the towel. I thought it would be interesting to write and share my experiences with others out there maybe looking for comfort in knowing that I am human and we all have room to learn and grow.

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"The List"

Ive thought about love a lot lately. When I first became newly single about a year and a half ago, I tried the dating scene. I should have taken that precious time to get myself together, but the thought of being alone literally paralyzed me. A trusted mentor of mine told me to make a list of the qualities and characteristics I was looking for in a potential partner. I blew it off...just being honest. I feel like placing expectations on someone of meeting the list qualifications or else just doesn't sit right. People change, people make mistakes but, I have since then found myself in confusion and compromising situations because Ive tried to justify each situation and mold it into what I think it could be or should be rather than what it actually is. There have been many times I have recapped our conversation and the thought of making the list has resurfaced. Im ready to write "The List". - Above all he must love God with everything he is and will be. The fear of the Lo...

Spring cleaning

I started a facebook post tonight, but thought I would get a ton of misinterpretations if I posted it and a call from my mother, perhaps maybe even the suicide hotline.... so I decided to write out the thoughts surrounding it hoping to ease my mothers mind a bit. "There just has to be a better way to do life than the hard way I've chosen....this just cant be it. Exhausted on every level. I'm throwing away my cape as my super hero powers have left me. I am weak. The last piece of sequence and glitter has fallen off my costume. I have no shine and no sparkle left anymore. I find myself once again cold and hard. Is this death or am I just headed that way?" I will not say that I haven't thought about driving off a bridge a few times, but no need to call the ward yet. Although I am still physically breathing...my mental, emotional and spiritual life have died or very close to it. Out of my Christ following five whole years, the last two have been the absolute harde...

Hillsong

I came across Hillsong music around 1997. I was 17 , just lost my grandfather the most precious person to me and with my heart full of "why Gods", there is just something about Hillsong music that brings me to my knees. This music has been with me through the hardest moments in my life ever since. I had no idea it was a church or school until recently. I have every CD (for those that know what that is haha) and they have been played over and over that Ive had to rebuy them. Now I have Hillsong music on pandora so it plays through my car. I can scream it at the top of my lungs on a good day or say nothing at all on a bad day. Last week I accidently stumbled across the documentary so I watched it. I learned alot. I had no idea any of that had gone on to be honest. I didnt know what to think or say so I took a couple days to process. I have said this before in past post about putting people in the church on pedestals. Yes, I have also been hurt on more than one occasion from mu...

On the search to seeking Gods will

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