On the search to seeking Gods will

There are moments in life when we are not even swimming, we are just trying to keep our heads above water and there are those when we are drowning. I have learned that in the moments of drowning to stop fighting for life and let go because we serve an amazing God that promises us that he will provide our needs for us. Its interesting to see what we as Americans determine as needs. I do have a lot of frustration with tenants and am trying to change my attitude, but so far I just cant. I watch them everyday get government money and paychecks larger than mine and yet choose not to pay the rent which is half my mortgage. I have heard them tell me they had to do this or this came up and thats why they cant pay, but what I cant get through the minds is that we are all living the same life. If you need more money, sell your "stuff", eat less, work more and learn what real sacrifice means. Its really hard to travel the world on mission trips and see what in our terms of "nothing

Most people think that I have turned crazy and/or wonder what has gotten into me lately....colored fingernails and toes, dark hair, tattoo, kid stuff, pinterest, cowboy boots and blue hair just doesnt seem like prim and proper "Heather". I can tell you that I feel more "me" than ever before. I have always felt like I was on the spot. Always in the spotlight, always being watched as pageant contestant, a business owner, a christian woman, young mom, model, and the list goes on. When I got divorced the second time, I felt like a mold and was in a shell for so long that I was set free and the weight of the world (my world) just fell off and I got the bounce to my step back! I realized that I had been trying to make my marriage look good for 7 years or more that it just wasnt. I wanted the perception that we had it all together....why, Im not sure. If I had to guess, I grew up so dysfunctionally that I wanted the world to know I was somebody and "I made it", b