Can "Martha 31" be real?

Can I just say that I am completely exhausted! I find myself trying to do it all again AND have the family life that God designed. You will figure out real quick that I am bi polar (not kidding), so I have major ups and downs but for the most part Im can balance my behavior quite well. I can feel those moments coming and have learned how to work through them. I will say that my new found passion for Christ and happiness within has helped DRAMATICALLY, however I still hear Satan so clearly that not only do I have a chemical imbalance to deal with but also spiritual warfare so my thoughts and mind are still in "rehab". In my quest for making my life, marriage and motherhood what God designed for me, I found the book "my so called life as a proverbs 31 woman" by Sarah Horn. The idea of a proverbs 31 woman that I kept hearing when I dated "Christian" men (that was a joke) was a laughing matter (keep in mind this is my anti anything stage). The simple fact that men have like two lines of rules for marriage and woman have a novel were just mind blowing to begin with and especially when "he" was the one that needed to change (stay with me here, this is attitude pre Christ in Heather). This scripture became a joke (yes, I mocked) until I became a follower of Christ. Not "Christian" I did that many years ago (19 yrs ago to be exact) but to be a Christ follower (2 years) is a whole different thought pattern and way of thinking. I have taken care of the home and meals, helped my husband, worked the garden, fed the animals, run three business', coached soccer, did homework and the mom thing, participated in city and community functions, sang in the choir and then turn into a what I feel like a performing circus monkey at the end of the day to keep my husband happy.....Can one person really do it all and is this "Martha 31" someone we should strive to be or someone we should be. Im doing it all, but how much longer? There has to be a better way GOD!! I found many woman curious by the term "Martha 31" so I thought I will strive for Gods perfection of marriage and Im willing to take on the challenge. It is Gods word and if the household is to be in order then we have to follow Gods word. I know his word brings truth and fruit and Im willing to lay myself out with no more kicking and screaming to become this Proverbs 31 woman. I do a pretty good job at physically getting it all done but struggle with it emotionally and my imbalances of chemicals and spiritual warfare is where my fire is fueled. One of my foundational sayings is "Actions speak louder than words"......and yet Im having the hardest time doing it myself. My insecurites, hurts, disappointments, controlling, sarcasm, bitterness, anger, frustration gets me everytime. I know I have to work past these in order to fullfill Gods plan and to please him but Im making progress (baby steps).

I decided the next time I got married (if ever after all that) things would be different because I was different and a big portion of that remains true today. I have surrendered controlling, manipulating, selfishness, unforgiveness and hatred at the alter. I respect and support my husband which I have never done prior and put his needs (all of them) and to be honest his wants first above my own or anyone elses. I have chosen to love and forgive him (yes, chosen) the day I said "I do" (again) and promised him till death do us part which could be a very long time, so we better figure this out because God has given us a second chance to do this correctly. I can see that God was on to something when he made this list for us woman and the change of our family is a complete 180 because of it. I fight hard everyday with all have (somedays I have more than others) but you have to choose love every single day or the enemy will get his foot in and then move in. We are not only ladies, but we are warriors fighting as well. Fighting to keep our families and most of us are willing to do what it takes to stand up and win the battle.

Im reading a book right now "a wife after Gods own heart" by Elizabeth George and as I skimmed through pages today because I know it all (NOT), I stopped at a part that was talking about things we need to work on in order to be yep, you guessed it (Proverbs 31 Woman) and tone was on the list....OUCH! So, to catch you up on where Im at I will spend the next lesson to myself on practicing my tone in speaking to others especially my husband, kids and renters (I guess, since its Gods word). Wish me luck as I do all my physical duties and now try to have a good tone (Still working on attitude part)....This begins day 1