I came across Hillsong music around 1997. I was 17 , just lost my grandfather the most precious person to me and with my heart full of "why Gods", there is just something about Hillsong music that brings me to my knees. This music has been with me through the hardest moments in my life ever since. I had no idea it was a church or school until recently. I have every CD (for those that know what that is haha) and they have been played over and over that Ive had to rebuy them. Now I have Hillsong music on pandora so it plays through my car. I can scream it at the top of my lungs on a good day or say nothing at all on a bad day. Last week I accidently stumbled across the documentary so I watched it. I learned alot. I had no idea any of that had gone on to be honest. I didnt know what to think or say so I took a couple days to process. I have said this before in past post about putting people in the church on pedestals. Yes, I have also been hurt on more than one occasion from multiple people at different churches. It boils down to this... people are people. Yes, people in leadership are believed to walk the walk and talk the talk. Its sad that there were so many different instances within the same church umbrella but just think there are hundreds of Hillsong churches, schools and music so to think a handful of people made bad personal choices could ruin all the good the church has done throughout the world is crazy. Even the disciples that walked along side Jesus and witnessed miracles for themselves had doubts and made mistakes. We are not perfect and have all fallen short. Have you considered what the families that have been affected by the infidelity in the church have gone through? They lost everything and are basically in hiding because their lives were ruined while the whole world watched and for the spouses and children for something they didnt do. What if the whole world watched us? What would they see? Would we lose our credibility to love and celebrate God because of the choices weve made? Its only natural that were going to be let down and disappointed in people but why should the church suffer for what certain individuals have done or the church as a whole name in ruins? Yes, several founding members were found guilty, but look what the church has done internationally. Celebrate the good and learn from the bad but dont give judgement over it and dont give up God over it. Other peoples attitudes and actions dont define you and they certainly shouldnt break you. Be bigger than your hurt. Love, forgive, give grace, breathe. Your relationship with God should be greater than your dependency on the leaders and people of the church. Church people are just people like you and me, we mess up. We have bad days, make bad choices, were tempted, were tested, were exhausted but were all in this together so we treat each other with a little more grace for being real.
Monday I had a post planned on how great it felt to have sunshine in February and after watching JLOs new documentary how normal I felt to feel like everything is going to fall apart and everyone is watching. It was a raw look at my life through her eyes and it just felt so real that someone with her talent and creative skills has the thoughts I do everyday about my work, life and family. In the end we just want to be a good parent and have amazing children that weve given everything weve got and sometimes more to. I felt so normal and begin wondering if there is really such a thing as bi polar or depression or if were just adjusting to different life steps in our journey. Maybe everyone goes through the same thoughts and feelings but perhaps handles them differently. Maybe I don't have mental issues and I just needed reassurance or a different outlook. A few tears were shed and I called it a night. By Tuesday I was ok, felt heavy and my head was foggy but nothing was wrong, I was...
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