On the search to seeking Gods will

This picture above couldn't be more true. Arent we all broken or at least chipped from past experiences and life? At what point do we embrace our brokenness and use it for a better future whether it be from what we learned, to what can we prevent or who can we help. Christine Caine writes in her book "Unstoppable" that "When our broken pieces are offered to God, he mulitplies them for HIS purpose" The bible tells us "all things work together for the good". We live in a broken world and with that comes broken people. Sometimes (not always) our expectations of people are too high. We put them on pedestools or label them based on a title and really they are just people and face it we all make mistakes. 2014 has not been my best year but its not anyones fault or because of any reason other than I dropped my commitments to make God number one. I put other things and people in the number one spot and as Ive told you before, I lose my balance if the numb...

I know what I have written the last year has been like a Psalm pouring out my inner heart and cries, but at some point things have to turn around. I cant live in this place of paralyzing depression ( Im starting to feel like a Taylor Swift blog). My kids deserve more and I need to get over myself and take up my cross. My 11 year old son is having trouble at school with another boy over a girl. His dad and I have taken the approach to him that the girl is not worth him if she cant decide who she wants to be with. He deserves someone who chooses him, not someone he has to fight for and convince. This other boy has been bullying him with his cell phone and at school in the cafeteria at lunch and so on. My heart breaks for him that hes going through this over a girl and in the 5th grade. I see how young and honest and pure his heart is and it crushes me that at this age hes struggling with this. He has so much life to live and this boy and girl are consuming him and valuing his se...

I had this title reserved in August and named it "Scattered" as I wanted to write about how people are moving all the time and have brief encounters with people each and every minute of the day. I wanted to write about the divine appointments God sets up for us yet how many opportunities we miss because we are too busy focusing on ourselves, our routines and our lives. It came to me as I was in the airport that all those people under one roof, one plane and then scatter around the world in just a matter of minutes or hours. I am one of those people that always look for the "whys".  I tend to look for the sign or message in everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) to the point of being over analytical trying to make things match up. Its not the best trait to have, but it has saved me many times from a wrong path. People come and go for seasons in our lives. I have a hard time warming up and a hard time letting go especially without the "whys" leaving me shatter...

Its been a year since Ive been on my own and the emotions have been up and down. When I first moved out I was basically pumped with adrenaline of the move, taking care of business and busy recreating an environment for the kids so they weren't missing out. (I tried) but the kids suffered so much worse than I ever imagined. I went and still go through moments of guilt for turning their worlds upside down. I began to enjoy the times they went to their dads as I began to take that time to have quiet, spa and  recoop time. My house was clean a couple days out of the month and I was all put together enjoying life but at some point during the  year I became very lonely as my friends that were around from the beginning began to go back to their own lives. I was at a point that I began to mourn and just couldn't handle being by myself. I haven't been alone in the last 17 years and I had to finally face myself and own up to my own issues. The grass is not always greener...

Its been awhile since Ive written and I have bottled so much of what has been going on and even though I know its not healthy, I always teeter with the idea of what should be public even though I consider this a journey. I haven't shared much of my journey in Jamaica and Id love to show all the photos but have restrictions on the ones with people in them particularly the children in orphanages for safety and protection. This was the second trip I have ever taken by myself without knowing anyone I went with. I drove 5 hours to Kansas City to join another handful of a group then later joined another group from Virginia making us a big group of about 29. I always find it interesting to watch the dynamics of each person from the beginning of the trip to the life long friendships and tears departing at the end of the trip and this one was no exception. I had a lot of down time and my head and heart have been spinning since. One of the youngest girls around 2 or 3 years of age was at th...

I attend and follow several churches, but have three main services that I attend or watch weekly. It is rare that all three messages would have me in tears and over all different messages, but this week was one that weakened everything I had in me. Last week two of the messages were exactly the same from the same context and all, I knew at that point the spirit was speaking and have been open and receptive since. I have spent a lot of years wondering what my gifts and talents are and how I could use them. I just assumed that my giving heart and actual work traits were the gifts, but Im just not so sure that is where it begins and ends. I know that speaking in tongues is a gift and not everyone has it, but never knew what I could do with it other than freak people out so I keep it hidden hoping to not stray anyone close to me away from church because of my "weirdness". Last Sunday as I sat in the pew, I found myself praying for everyone there in the service. I also realized th...

Two months...its been two months since I have written as Im pretty sure baseball season has completely taken over my life. Not one, but two in baseball as well as one in soccer has made for a very eventful few months. I have also been riding the fence with my life and dealing with the inner spirit of knowing right from wrong. I know the grace and mercy that God is, but that doesn't make living as you please ok. I have been out of the normal church routine for about six months as the weather and depression played a big part with sports activities. I am not missing the word as I have learned to watch online and listen to the podcast as well as hold out my tithe checks. I thought as long as I heard the word, Id be on track and not missing anything. I was wrong. Im thankful for the opportunity to log in and watch or listen, but there is a piece of me missing from not being in the same worship and relationship with people..... you know the warm faces that hug m...