The middle man

I attend and follow several churches, but have three main services that I attend or watch weekly. It is rare that all three messages would have me in tears and over all different messages, but this week was one that weakened everything I had in me. Last week two of the messages were exactly the same from the same context and all, I knew at that point the spirit was speaking and have been open and receptive since. I have spent a lot of years wondering what my gifts and talents are and how I could use them. I just assumed that my giving heart and actual work traits were the gifts, but Im just not so sure that is where it begins and ends. I know that speaking in tongues is a gift and not everyone has it, but never knew what I could do with it other than freak people out so I keep it hidden hoping to not stray anyone close to me away from church because of my "weirdness". Last Sunday as I sat in the pew, I found myself praying for everyone there in the service. I also realized that I do that every week and have for the last 3 years at least. Something inside of me circulated and a inner thought came to me. Maybe I am an intercessor and didn't know it. Maybe my gift is to be an intercessor for people and speak life through prayer. I never considered myself as that important or impactful in my spiritual walk, as I have a fear of people and speaking publicly, maybe this quiet personal tongue speaking prayer is apart of a bigger plan. One of the messages this week enlightened me with new perspective. Jesus didn't do a single miracle until he was 30 years old (Im 34,theres hope). It was through the spirit in him that he was able to do these miracles of God and as he left this earth he told his disciples that they are to do miracles as he did. We are to be his disciples. It was not in himself that he was able to do these miracles but as the servant, the middle man, the intercessor between God and the spirit. It is the same concept when I give. I give, but Im just the servant, the middle man and the intercessor. I take money that was given by God and when the spirit leads me to and where and how to give, I let it go. Im just the servant following in obedience. I will only be able to speak life (do miracles) by knowing the words of life which are in the bible (the instruction book). I have to know what it says to direct the enemy out of the way for miracles to happen and use Gods commandments to be able to be the middle man. I have to be familiar with the words in order to recognize and hear them from the spirit to be able to use the language of God that is to be used by God for his purposes.  Jesus showed us what we are capable of doing, he set the example and was empowered by the spirit. He wasn't the miracle maker, he was the servant that is was delivered through by his obedience to God himself. We give Jesus the credit, but he was the servant carrying out the order as in the ranks of the military or ruler of a kingdom and we have the very same capabilities and order by God as Christians (Christ followers) to do the same. I am made in His image to carry out the good works of God and yet I am to busy on my own sorrows and life that again I missed the very reason of my existence. I say it over and over that my life isn't about me so why do I still make it about me? I can only imagine the miracles that can happen if I stop, listen and obey rather than trying to be the leader and making things happen wonder if and why they do or don't. I am thankful for my sensitivity and open heart to hear the word through messages and perspective, but am ready to embrace on this new awakening with new eyes, fresh ears and a patient heart.