On the search to seeking Gods will

I attend and follow several churches, but have three main services that I attend or watch weekly. It is rare that all three messages would have me in tears and over all different messages, but this week was one that weakened everything I had in me. Last week two of the messages were exactly the same from the same context and all, I knew at that point the spirit was speaking and have been open and receptive since. I have spent a lot of years wondering what my gifts and talents are and how I could use them. I just assumed that my giving heart and actual work traits were the gifts, but Im just not so sure that is where it begins and ends. I know that speaking in tongues is a gift and not everyone has it, but never knew what I could do with it other than freak people out so I keep it hidden hoping to not stray anyone close to me away from church because of my "weirdness". Last Sunday as I sat in the pew, I found myself praying for everyone there in the service. I also realized th...

Two months...its been two months since I have written as Im pretty sure baseball season has completely taken over my life. Not one, but two in baseball as well as one in soccer has made for a very eventful few months. I have also been riding the fence with my life and dealing with the inner spirit of knowing right from wrong. I know the grace and mercy that God is, but that doesn't make living as you please ok. I have been out of the normal church routine for about six months as the weather and depression played a big part with sports activities. I am not missing the word as I have learned to watch online and listen to the podcast as well as hold out my tithe checks. I thought as long as I heard the word, Id be on track and not missing anything. I was wrong. Im thankful for the opportunity to log in and watch or listen, but there is a piece of me missing from not being in the same worship and relationship with people..... you know the warm faces that hug m...

Ezekiel 36:26-27 "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you. I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws" I have spent my entire life feeling like I was never going to make it as a "church" person because I simply just cant seem to get a grip on the history, knowledge and understanding of scriptures. I have tried to memorize and study and it just doesn't stick leaving me feeling defeated and not good enough. After hearing a message from the author "The Artisan Soul", I have been refreshed and renewed. I read word for word in the book the questions that have hindered myself since I became renewed in Christ. The truth is I have many friends I grew up with that know word for word, story by story of the bible and every history point there is to make from the bible college studies they went to. I don't have that ...

I remember learning in school about the word entrepreneur. I learned that an entrepreneur is a visionary. I have always been a visionary and still am, but Im wondering at this point if my expectations are too high or I live in lala land thinking there is something else for me. I am always thinking, always creating and always planning but at what point do I start living those and make a legacy rather than dream about them? I feel like Im lacking substance. I have ideas of how my life will be but Im living it totally different, is it because I see the future or Im just wishin? There comes a point that you stay a visionary always having great ideas, but never see or follow them through and I think Im stuck there, but if I died tomorrow what would my legacy be? I start a lot of things but finish little. I get bored so easily and then Im looking for the next thing and moving on to the next idea. God had a purpose for me before I was even born so why do I feel like Im just going thr...

It has been three years since I have chosen to live my life differently. I have had every emotion, feeling and action I could ever imagine possible. I have been on fire for God with a passion so deep it drove me and I have been in states of low depression to where I have questioned my existence and the what if I just ended my life. I am bi polar and some of it just comes with the territory, but I am also in a battle between God and Satan. I have learned so much about myself these last three years and who I am. All the matters at this point is who God says I am. I have spent my time learning about obedience and fighting to change my rebellious spirit. I have always chosen to go the opposite of whatever everyone else was doing. I am not in the trend, the in crowd or a follower, in fact majority of my life I would go out of my way to do the opposite of what was expected of me just to prove I was different and stand out. This practice has caused me some heartache through the ...

Ive had so many moments where I just wanted to pour out my heart and write then life happens. I have been humbled and heartbroken at so many things its just been a rollarcoaster and not over any one topic or theme which makes it hard to write about. As I draw closer to God at this time in my life (again), I have opened my heart and mind to things I never even knew needed cleansing. I have watched the lifechurch series "Being Rich" and even though I have have traveled to many countries and seen poverty around the world it never phased me that I have a house for my cars (garage). A brick three car garage is larger than what most of the worlds families live in. I grasped that about a shed because Ive seen it with my own eyes, but somehow seemed to miss a garage that was just for my car and junk overfilled from my house. My heart broke instantly that I take for granted everyday the blessings poured out to me and even worse because I have seen world poverty. I didnt feel guilty be...

I have learned a lot through facebook throughout the years about myself and other people. Ive watched myself mature as a person, business person and Christian. When I started facebook somewhere around 2008/9ish, my attitude was if you don't like what I say then dont read or friend me. I still feel that way, but the difference is I don't post every thought, reaction or frustration. Im a real person and I have bad days, but the world doesn't need to hear about it. I also learned its not right to treat other people that way and it only makes me look bad. That same time frame I didn't really care what made me look bad because I didn't care what people thought about me and to a degree I still don't but I have a different heart about it. I don't want to portray my life is perfect, but facebook became an outlet for me to express myself in ways a shy person wouldn't normally. I found a sense of humor, I found inspiration and I felt connection like never before f...