On the search to seeking Gods will

Ezekiel 36:26-27 "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you. I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws" I have spent my entire life feeling like I was never going to make it as a "church" person because I simply just cant seem to get a grip on the history, knowledge and understanding of scriptures. I have tried to memorize and study and it just doesn't stick leaving me feeling defeated and not good enough. After hearing a message from the author "The Artisan Soul", I have been refreshed and renewed. I read word for word in the book the questions that have hindered myself since I became renewed in Christ. The truth is I have many friends I grew up with that know word for word, story by story of the bible and every history point there is to make from the bible college studies they went to. I don't have that ...

I remember learning in school about the word entrepreneur. I learned that an entrepreneur is a visionary. I have always been a visionary and still am, but Im wondering at this point if my expectations are too high or I live in lala land thinking there is something else for me. I am always thinking, always creating and always planning but at what point do I start living those and make a legacy rather than dream about them? I feel like Im lacking substance. I have ideas of how my life will be but Im living it totally different, is it because I see the future or Im just wishin? There comes a point that you stay a visionary always having great ideas, but never see or follow them through and I think Im stuck there, but if I died tomorrow what would my legacy be? I start a lot of things but finish little. I get bored so easily and then Im looking for the next thing and moving on to the next idea. God had a purpose for me before I was even born so why do I feel like Im just going thr...

It has been three years since I have chosen to live my life differently. I have had every emotion, feeling and action I could ever imagine possible. I have been on fire for God with a passion so deep it drove me and I have been in states of low depression to where I have questioned my existence and the what if I just ended my life. I am bi polar and some of it just comes with the territory, but I am also in a battle between God and Satan. I have learned so much about myself these last three years and who I am. All the matters at this point is who God says I am. I have spent my time learning about obedience and fighting to change my rebellious spirit. I have always chosen to go the opposite of whatever everyone else was doing. I am not in the trend, the in crowd or a follower, in fact majority of my life I would go out of my way to do the opposite of what was expected of me just to prove I was different and stand out. This practice has caused me some heartache through the ...

Ive had so many moments where I just wanted to pour out my heart and write then life happens. I have been humbled and heartbroken at so many things its just been a rollarcoaster and not over any one topic or theme which makes it hard to write about. As I draw closer to God at this time in my life (again), I have opened my heart and mind to things I never even knew needed cleansing. I have watched the lifechurch series "Being Rich" and even though I have have traveled to many countries and seen poverty around the world it never phased me that I have a house for my cars (garage). A brick three car garage is larger than what most of the worlds families live in. I grasped that about a shed because Ive seen it with my own eyes, but somehow seemed to miss a garage that was just for my car and junk overfilled from my house. My heart broke instantly that I take for granted everyday the blessings poured out to me and even worse because I have seen world poverty. I didnt feel guilty be...

I have learned a lot through facebook throughout the years about myself and other people. Ive watched myself mature as a person, business person and Christian. When I started facebook somewhere around 2008/9ish, my attitude was if you don't like what I say then dont read or friend me. I still feel that way, but the difference is I don't post every thought, reaction or frustration. Im a real person and I have bad days, but the world doesn't need to hear about it. I also learned its not right to treat other people that way and it only makes me look bad. That same time frame I didn't really care what made me look bad because I didn't care what people thought about me and to a degree I still don't but I have a different heart about it. I don't want to portray my life is perfect, but facebook became an outlet for me to express myself in ways a shy person wouldn't normally. I found a sense of humor, I found inspiration and I felt connection like never before f...

As I continue to be vulnerable and burned by people and life, it makes me want to isolate myself and build walls around me even stronger to not be fooled or failed again, but the truth is God doesn't desire us to live that way. Its one of the easier said then done scenarios, but letting the enemy win is no longer an option for me because I don't live my life for me, I live it for God. For every lie there is a truth. There will always be disappointments and pain in our lives because we are living in a hurting broken world. When I visited Teen Challenge last summer, although Im in love with the program, I couldn't help but think I could turn my life around also if I was in a program that consisted of constant study and growth. If I were isolated between home and church I could do life the godly way. I even thought if I joined staff to this great program that Id be surrounded and isolated into a godly bubble and I would be where God wanted me, but that's just boot camp ...

It is the New Year and resolutions are going strong. Im thinking of a new start, but not so much because of a new year per se, but my birthday is this week and Im thinking maybe its time to be a grown up. Ive been blessed enough to be self employed with multiple business and sometimes I just never know what Im going to get into each day. Since I have started working for my dad a few days a week, Im opening the office so the already dreaded alarm clock mornings, not only do I do the school routine, but also have to leave ready for work as there is no time to come home like my pampered previous routine. I tuck and roll, playing the alarm clock game to buy just five more minutes, then Ill skip the hair and makeup. Bottom line is this...I just don't care how I look and maybe I should. I was in the real estate office the other day and this woman was dressed head to toe and just looked adorable. I was in swishies, ponytail and hoody....it was 8am for goodness sake. As Im whining to my da...