On the search to seeking Gods will

Day 7 of a 21 day fast will be 20 days because Satan tormented me so bad the day I was supposed to start and I completely forgot. As I took my kids to school this morning we began talking about my upcoming Africa missions trip. I have one son that just thinks whatever naturally the oldest, another son that is VERY opinionated on how stupid and dangerous every trip I go on is and should just stay home to be safe and the little one who is influenced by both that goes up and down. This turned into a discussion on how if something were to happen to me doing Gods work then I died exactly how I would want to honoring and glorifying God, but something could also happen to me here in the US tomorrow. We talked about the sacrifice of Jesus' life for us and if something happened to me I would gladly sacrifice my life for him. The middle child of mine as opinionated and selfish as he is said some very not nice things and I became frustrated on my drive home thinking there should be a book for...

Im really proud of myself for not being tempted. I feel pretty tired and have had several headaches, but Im still moving forward. One of my main prayers for this fast was to take a step back from my fast paced busy life and just stop. I want to be in tune with God as I have been previously. I know the bible talks about fasting in a quiet place and not to make it a spectacle that the Daniel fast has become, but I really want to share my journey and this is apart of it. Prayer and meditation with God, spending quality time with God is sooooooo important to your walk. He wants nothing more than a relationship with us and we cant be in a relationship if we dont listen to each other and talk to each other. He does know everything we are going to tell him before we do, and yet he still wants to hear it from us. Its amazing to me as I have journeyed through the bible of how big and mighty our God is and yet how gentle and soft he is. He cries when we cry and lately that has been alot for me s...

I have always been considered strong willed and have been told by many that I may be made of stone because most of the time Im emotionless especially in tougher situations. Im not sure if its because I grew up with a military family or perhaps their no tolerance of tears or complaints. Maybe because of all I have been through, Im not sure but my coldness has effected many relationships throughout the years. One of the things that I have noticed about myself in the last two years with my heart change is that I have shown emotions and vulnerability that I never have before. Sometimes, I feel like I am caving into being the nice, bubbly, smiley person, I always hoped not to be....but reality is that my heart change was inside and out and when you have as much love and joy as I do at this point in my life, you just want to shout it from the rooftops and shake life into everyone. I did a 21 day fast with my church January two years ago and was able to complete it. I had a few headaches an...

I cant even begin to tell you how busy I have been the last two weeks with tenants taking off with no rent and leaving me with a trashed houses. For as far back as I can remember, this is by far the worst financial hit I have experienced in at least ten years personally. Its different when you property manage and play with other peoples money than when its your own....eeeekkkk!!! On the flip side, working on houses gives me time with God and really helps give me clarity. I think its Gods way of silencing the world around me and puts me in a place where its just the two of us so he can teach me to where I can listen and pay attention without distraction, so its bitter sweet and as of yet.....my family hasnt skipped a meal (close calls, but no meals missed so far). I really feel my heart pulling in a specific direction and I put this in Gods hands that the words come out right because I know so many are affected by this, I just hope its presented in a way that glorifies God an...

I have heard and I have read about little girls wanting the fairytale ending when they grow up, married to Prince Charming and lots of children and everyone will live happily ever after. I never wanted the fairytale, is something wrong with me? I never wanted or needed to be swept off my feet or fall madly in love...it just has never been a desire of mine. Children were never a desire of mine either, I hear women say that all they ever wanted was to be a mother...I just never had those feelings. Am I broken or did I just have my fair share of reality from an early age? I love watching "chickflics" and to read a great love story...but I never envisioned it for myself. I never thought a guy would come and "save" me....where I came from, you are what you make yourself and you get there by sweat and sacrifice. Does this make me hardcore or heartless, Im not sure. Most people that marry three times you would call either a "drama" case or "hopeless romantic...

There are moments in life when we are not even swimming, we are just trying to keep our heads above water and there are those when we are drowning. I have learned that in the moments of drowning to stop fighting for life and let go because we serve an amazing God that promises us that he will provide our needs for us. Its interesting to see what we as Americans determine as needs. I do have a lot of frustration with tenants and am trying to change my attitude, but so far I just cant. I watch them everyday get government money and paychecks larger than mine and yet choose not to pay the rent which is half my mortgage. I have heard them tell me they had to do this or this came up and thats why they cant pay, but what I cant get through the minds is that we are all living the same life. If you need more money, sell your "stuff", eat less, work more and learn what real sacrifice means. Its really hard to travel the world on mission trips and see what in our terms of "nothing...

Most people think that I have turned crazy and/or wonder what has gotten into me lately....colored fingernails and toes, dark hair, tattoo, kid stuff, pinterest, cowboy boots and blue hair just doesnt seem like prim and proper "Heather". I can tell you that I feel more "me" than ever before. I have always felt like I was on the spot. Always in the spotlight, always being watched as pageant contestant, a business owner, a christian woman, young mom, model, and the list goes on. When I got divorced the second time, I felt like a mold and was in a shell for so long that I was set free and the weight of the world (my world) just fell off and I got the bounce to my step back! I realized that I had been trying to make my marriage look good for 7 years or more that it just wasnt. I wanted the perception that we had it all together....why, Im not sure. If I had to guess, I grew up so dysfunctionally that I wanted the world to know I was somebody and "I made it", b...