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So, you want the fairytale huh?

I have heard and I have read about little girls wanting the fairytale ending when they grow up, married to Prince Charming and lots of children and everyone will live happily ever after. I never wanted the fairytale, is something wrong with me? I never wanted or needed to be swept off my feet or fall madly in love...it just has never been a desire of mine. Children were never a desire of mine either, I hear women say that all they ever wanted was to be a mother...I just never had those feelings. Am I broken or did I just have my fair share of reality from an early age? I love watching "chickflics" and to read a great love story...but I never envisioned it for myself. I never thought a guy would come and "save" me....where I came from, you are what you make yourself and you get there by sweat and sacrifice. Does this make me hardcore or heartless, Im not sure. Most people that marry three times you would call either a "drama" case or "hopeless romantic", but Im neither. The love I was searching for I found before my last marriage and that was Christ. Hes not just another disappointment, he doesnt beat me, he doesnt hurt or sabotage me, he doesnt lie to me or cheat on me,  he doesnt use me...but he does have expectations and in order for me to be completely whole, I have to honor and obey his commandments and his word. He loves unconditionally which is hard to actually grasp when we ourselves are so often guilty of conditioning our love by what we want or by what we do.

Why do we look at other peoples marriages and think they have the fairytale and we dont? Do you really know what goes on in that marriage or do you know the public version because in most cases there is a private and public version of a couples relationship. Why do we always think we married the wrong person or blame our significant other for our own unhappiness? I have had the weight on my shoulders of making someone else happy and it was so heavy that I fell flat on my face. We cant live each day trying to make someone else happy and at the same time make ourselves miserable. We spend so much time being miserable so that we dont disappoint those around us....but why? Shouldnt we be happy also and why cant our spouses unconditionally love us as we change with age, time and circumstance. Do you think Cinderella and Prince Charming always had the fairytale? We only saw when they met...werent you like that when you first met your significant other and didnt you think you would live happily ever after? Nobody ever said that there would be work to do in order to maintain and keep a relationship and if they did they didnt go into detail because they possibly couldnt. Every marriage is uniquely different and is shaped by the two personalities that it represents.

I have spent the last two years observing people and marriage. I cannot believe the way most households operate and yet, they wonder why they arent happy. We get lazy and selfish and then react off each other and it starts a vicious cycle instead of recognizing it and turning the wheel a different direction, we feed off it and grow bitter and resentful. We turn into roommates with our spouses rather than lovers because its comfortable and in most cases cheaper. Out of 2 years, I will say that 98% of the marriages I have watched the woman wear the pants in the family. The old saying, "if mama aint happy then aint nobody happy" and I chuckle because I used to live that way. Most everyone I know is cohabiting with their spouse because of comfort, money or kids and they treat each other awful and are both miserable. Women do not belong as head of household, marriage was not created that way and we wonder why things just arent working out and why were unhappy? On the other hand, where are the men....actual men not just the gender, but real hard core masculine men that can get it together, provide for their family, discipline their children and remain faithful to their wives? Do they even exist? Why do we call those men jerks, go for the nice guys and then stomp all over them and wonder why they arent manly enough to rescue our hearts and keep us interested? Men are emasculated in this culture where women come in and take over everything and women are wondering why they have to carry the weight of both roles. Nobody made them, really they chose to step over the man instead of holding him accountable for who she married and keeping herself accountable for the roles of a wife and mother. The roles of both are clearly defined in Gods word and you can only expect that if you deviate from Gods plan then the devils foothold will do anything it can to tear you apart either from each other or in your own life.

I understand that we cant be responsible for our other half sometimes, but we can be responsible for their spirit through prayer. I would rather take over my household through prayer than any other way so the risk of disobedience is none instead of stepping out of my boundaries and disobeying Gods design and word for marriage and family. Prayer can change you both even when your marriage feels hopeless and wasted. You have to change yourself first and give God all you have not a portion. Why do we only give God our best on Easter Sunday? If your spouse only gave you their best when they wanted something, and maybe they do now...how would you feel or how do you feel? Thats how God feels when we only visit him when we need or want something from him. God is also our spouse in fact he should be the love of our lives. Would you treat God the way you do your spouse?  You are in the most covenanted relationship with both and you cant honor God without honoring your spouse. It just doesnt happen. Both parties have to carry their roles in order to create a fairytale and I believe its called a fairytale because far and few will ever discover the true meaning of love and life. Marriage and children are a gift from God that we take for granted. There are people that pray everyday for the things you and I have, and yet we focus more on what we dont have. Taking a look at who God wants me to be instead of what I wanted to be has changed my life. I dont understand why things happen the way they do, but I dont question them, I look for Gods purpose in all aspects of my life. I have looked into other peoples marriages throughout the years wishing mine was like them, but as I got to know the couple, I became thankful for what I had because what it seemed like was so not real. I would rather be learning along the way genuinely and openly with peace and joy from Gods love, grace and mercy then pretending for the outside world and dying miserably on the inside. Ive been on both sides and Im choosing the happily ever after......

Comments

  1. I loved this statement:
    I would rather take over my household through prayer than any other way."

    ReplyDelete

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