I cant even begin to tell you how busy I have been the last two weeks with tenants taking off with no rent and leaving me with a trashed houses. For as far back as I can remember, this is by far the worst financial hit I have experienced in at least ten years personally. Its different when you property manage and play with other peoples money than when its your own....eeeekkkk!!! On the flip side, working on houses gives me time with God and really helps give me clarity. I think its Gods way of silencing the world around me and puts me in a place where its just the two of us so he can teach me to where I can listen and pay attention without distraction, so its bitter sweet and as of yet.....my family hasnt skipped a meal (close calls, but no meals missed so far).
I really feel my heart pulling in a specific direction and I put this in Gods hands that the words come out right because I know so many are affected by this, I just hope its presented in a way that glorifies God and that you have a breakthrough or healing moment or even an "aha" moment realizing that your not alone. Its sensitive because it deals with our marriages and for that I feel the need to be sensitive but in a very real way. Do you feel that you and your spouse are cohabiting? The phrase youve heard Im sure, "its cheaper to keep her" or him lol. Have you grown so far apart that you live in two different worlds and have two different goals for your lives? I felt this way in my previous marriage and I hear other woman say it all the time and I witness it ALOT watching other families. The truth is that we arent the same people that we were when we married and we grow into ourselves and sometimes that means growing apart from our spouses. It doesnt have to be that way....you could accept each other and CHOOSE (yes, there it is again folks) to love each other as you grow individually which will help you grow together. So many of us change as an individual and the spouse spends their time trying to make you who you were or grows bitter and deserted because they like the person they married but perhaps not so much who you grew into, they hold on to who you were but cant accept you for who you are. We are accountable for our own behaviors and choices, but there are times we become the way we are from the experiences we have been through. We can surf the tides or try to run against them, but either way we will fall. You can fall off having fun riding or be forced down by impact but you choose to swim out or drown whether you feel you do or not.....you have a choice.
What happened to googly eyes and cuddling all the time and not wanting to miss a moment without each other to wanting to run away or lock your door and hide? Space? You dont need space....thats what sets in footholds and pulls you apart. We go from sharing covers and spooning to separate blankets, separate sleeping arrangements, separate rooms to separate lives. I hate to see people living separate lives but married and miserable. It opens the door to affairs and misery. If your living different lives and are lonely, I beg you to seek professional marriage counseling. Not only are you miserable, but your teaching your kids what marriage looks like and that is not ok unless you want them to have the same relationship because thats all they know or have seen. If you have two different rooms, you are at a red zone and you need to fix it. There should be NO reason as to why a marriage should have separate bedrooms....every reason can be fixed and once you pull apart your marriage bed a void creeps in and will cause major resentment, unhappiness and trust issues.
Please dont stay together for money and/or the children. Marriage has so much more value than just trying to make it through. Marriage was designed so that you wouldnt be lonely and that you had a life partner through all that life throws at you. My advice to you now is not to say that you picked the wrong partner and throw it away, but for those of you that are single to really consider these things before getting married and its important to teach our children how to choose a life partner. Marriage is team work, you dont throw your team member away because your tired of them or dont like them. You dont at work....why would you do it to your home? Every person is created differently and we have to to learn to work together. You fell in love with your partner for a reason and throughout the years you have experienced that person more than anyone else has.....why throw it away over how your feeling and start looking into yourself and finding the roots for the feelings and fix them or at least have enough in you to realize that feelings are temporary and can be altered by the very one who wants nothing more than to laugh in your face when you throw your marriage away. If you werent in it for the long haul...then why did you say those vows to begin with because if we live out the vows we made to each other and before God, we wouldnt be in the positions that we are in today. Unless we are actively working on our marriages all the time....we will grow apart to where we dont even know who we married or who we are living with. We become strangers living under the same roof and nothing is more cold and sterile than the awkward moment when your all in the same room together and yet have absolutely no idea what is going on in their world because you go two differnent directions 24/7. His room, her room, his garage, her going out with friends all the time....Marriage comes first and you need to be together to build it.
Please dont misunderstand me and think Im telling you to leave or stay, Im saying do something about it and make a decision to change it. Marriage is work, it is not a fairytale unless you create it! I made the decision to walk out and Ill be honest, I never looked back. I was soooooo miserable in my marriage, the best thing I have ever done for myself was to walk out....but my life is not just about me. God gave me three gifts and I should have considered them more than I did. I stayed in a miserable marriage for at least seven years to long if thats even long enough because of money and the kids and it was awful. I also didnt have Christ in me like I thought that I did. What I was searching for in life had nothing to do with my spouse in the end, it had everything to do with Christ and once I found him and his light began to glow in me, I became a new creation and apart of that was realizing what I threw away by walking out. I was searching for happiness in my spouse and when he didnt make me happy, I left and visa versa he was looking for happiness in me and when I let him down then the marriage was a bust. Those are heavy burdens for one to carry on their shoulders the truth is too heavy until I fell on my knees trying to carry burdens that were too heavy for me because I tried to do it my way and on my own. The truth is, I never asked God if he was the one for me and I never asked God how he felt about me leaving. I had done what I had done my entire life....dictated my own life and blamed everyone else when I wasnt happy. Thank God he made Ben strong enough to get up after that last punch of me walking out on him and stand up just to do it all over again....thats LOVE and it takes a special kind of person to endure the pain that I put him through. I was so hard and ruthless, that I never shed a tear over walking out on my family, but when he was deciding if he would do it all over again, although I gave it all to God to decide, I bawled my eyes out like a baby for the way I treated him. I literally cried at his feet for hours. The grass is only greener on the other side until you stop fertilizing it also and then you step in the poo and realize its all the same unless you choose differently. Put time and work by Gods design into your marriage and see the miracles that take place daily.You dont have live your life dwelling on do I stay or do I go and each day your happy you want to stay and each day your fighting you want to go....that is not a marriage and you need to seek help. Put your life 100 percent whole heartedly back into your creators hands and let him form the clay into a one of a kind masterpiece that he designed for you. "Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will lead your path straight." It may not be the outcome you wanted or even hoped for but as long as you let go of the reigns and are willing to listen and abide, then at this point.....anything can happen.
I really feel my heart pulling in a specific direction and I put this in Gods hands that the words come out right because I know so many are affected by this, I just hope its presented in a way that glorifies God and that you have a breakthrough or healing moment or even an "aha" moment realizing that your not alone. Its sensitive because it deals with our marriages and for that I feel the need to be sensitive but in a very real way. Do you feel that you and your spouse are cohabiting? The phrase youve heard Im sure, "its cheaper to keep her" or him lol. Have you grown so far apart that you live in two different worlds and have two different goals for your lives? I felt this way in my previous marriage and I hear other woman say it all the time and I witness it ALOT watching other families. The truth is that we arent the same people that we were when we married and we grow into ourselves and sometimes that means growing apart from our spouses. It doesnt have to be that way....you could accept each other and CHOOSE (yes, there it is again folks) to love each other as you grow individually which will help you grow together. So many of us change as an individual and the spouse spends their time trying to make you who you were or grows bitter and deserted because they like the person they married but perhaps not so much who you grew into, they hold on to who you were but cant accept you for who you are. We are accountable for our own behaviors and choices, but there are times we become the way we are from the experiences we have been through. We can surf the tides or try to run against them, but either way we will fall. You can fall off having fun riding or be forced down by impact but you choose to swim out or drown whether you feel you do or not.....you have a choice.
What happened to googly eyes and cuddling all the time and not wanting to miss a moment without each other to wanting to run away or lock your door and hide? Space? You dont need space....thats what sets in footholds and pulls you apart. We go from sharing covers and spooning to separate blankets, separate sleeping arrangements, separate rooms to separate lives. I hate to see people living separate lives but married and miserable. It opens the door to affairs and misery. If your living different lives and are lonely, I beg you to seek professional marriage counseling. Not only are you miserable, but your teaching your kids what marriage looks like and that is not ok unless you want them to have the same relationship because thats all they know or have seen. If you have two different rooms, you are at a red zone and you need to fix it. There should be NO reason as to why a marriage should have separate bedrooms....every reason can be fixed and once you pull apart your marriage bed a void creeps in and will cause major resentment, unhappiness and trust issues.
Please dont stay together for money and/or the children. Marriage has so much more value than just trying to make it through. Marriage was designed so that you wouldnt be lonely and that you had a life partner through all that life throws at you. My advice to you now is not to say that you picked the wrong partner and throw it away, but for those of you that are single to really consider these things before getting married and its important to teach our children how to choose a life partner. Marriage is team work, you dont throw your team member away because your tired of them or dont like them. You dont at work....why would you do it to your home? Every person is created differently and we have to to learn to work together. You fell in love with your partner for a reason and throughout the years you have experienced that person more than anyone else has.....why throw it away over how your feeling and start looking into yourself and finding the roots for the feelings and fix them or at least have enough in you to realize that feelings are temporary and can be altered by the very one who wants nothing more than to laugh in your face when you throw your marriage away. If you werent in it for the long haul...then why did you say those vows to begin with because if we live out the vows we made to each other and before God, we wouldnt be in the positions that we are in today. Unless we are actively working on our marriages all the time....we will grow apart to where we dont even know who we married or who we are living with. We become strangers living under the same roof and nothing is more cold and sterile than the awkward moment when your all in the same room together and yet have absolutely no idea what is going on in their world because you go two differnent directions 24/7. His room, her room, his garage, her going out with friends all the time....Marriage comes first and you need to be together to build it.
Please dont misunderstand me and think Im telling you to leave or stay, Im saying do something about it and make a decision to change it. Marriage is work, it is not a fairytale unless you create it! I made the decision to walk out and Ill be honest, I never looked back. I was soooooo miserable in my marriage, the best thing I have ever done for myself was to walk out....but my life is not just about me. God gave me three gifts and I should have considered them more than I did. I stayed in a miserable marriage for at least seven years to long if thats even long enough because of money and the kids and it was awful. I also didnt have Christ in me like I thought that I did. What I was searching for in life had nothing to do with my spouse in the end, it had everything to do with Christ and once I found him and his light began to glow in me, I became a new creation and apart of that was realizing what I threw away by walking out. I was searching for happiness in my spouse and when he didnt make me happy, I left and visa versa he was looking for happiness in me and when I let him down then the marriage was a bust. Those are heavy burdens for one to carry on their shoulders the truth is too heavy until I fell on my knees trying to carry burdens that were too heavy for me because I tried to do it my way and on my own. The truth is, I never asked God if he was the one for me and I never asked God how he felt about me leaving. I had done what I had done my entire life....dictated my own life and blamed everyone else when I wasnt happy. Thank God he made Ben strong enough to get up after that last punch of me walking out on him and stand up just to do it all over again....thats LOVE and it takes a special kind of person to endure the pain that I put him through. I was so hard and ruthless, that I never shed a tear over walking out on my family, but when he was deciding if he would do it all over again, although I gave it all to God to decide, I bawled my eyes out like a baby for the way I treated him. I literally cried at his feet for hours. The grass is only greener on the other side until you stop fertilizing it also and then you step in the poo and realize its all the same unless you choose differently. Put time and work by Gods design into your marriage and see the miracles that take place daily.You dont have live your life dwelling on do I stay or do I go and each day your happy you want to stay and each day your fighting you want to go....that is not a marriage and you need to seek help. Put your life 100 percent whole heartedly back into your creators hands and let him form the clay into a one of a kind masterpiece that he designed for you. "Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will lead your path straight." It may not be the outcome you wanted or even hoped for but as long as you let go of the reigns and are willing to listen and abide, then at this point.....anything can happen.
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