On the search to seeking Gods will

I visited a church over the weekend and at first had to practice what I preached a few blogs ago (im only human and still learning through this journey), but I dreaded going....I wasnt prepared for church my mom pulled in the parking lot and Im preparing to fly out with a tank top, no makeup and ballcap in jeans (ugh). Im not crazy about the pastor and I giggled at the music on my way in only to realize I just wrote about having church anywhere and it wasnt about what you looked like or music or people....duh! Thanks for the upper cut God LOL. To be honest I was thinking "oh, Im so gonna get paid back for this attitude, Im probably gonna walk out with the best message that Ive ever heard and God will speak so clearly to me today" (didnt happen). I did find a concept rather intriguing and kept digging deeper within myself. It only takes one person to set off a viral effect worldwide in seconds thanks to social media. It all starts with one photo or one post, then another frien...

On one of my flights this week I picked up a TIME magazine that was dedicated to Mother Teresa. I had heard of her and have been called her jokinly by others a few times, but never really knew what she did other than help others and that she was a nun. WOW!!! She is the ephiphany of everything I have always dreamed my life would be. Ive been asked my passion several times and helping people is at the top along with philantrophy and yet I seem to think its unrealistic to travel the world helping anyone in need, but she just put my heart back on the map! If you think one act of service is nothing and pointless and one person cant make a difference, you need to read her biography. In her biography, letters she wrote in her journal to God were found and they are written as you would read poems and psalms from the bible. She struggled and questioned if God was there and/or listening because she at times felt so far away from him. How can someone who is his hands, feet and spirit feel so f...

Ever wonder how two people can go through the exact same event and they tell you two completely different stories? We always assume that someone isn't telling the truth, but I'm learning that the way people perceive things are different. You can have a situation with two different stories because no two people are alike, we internalize, process and react differently than each other. I'm sure you've seen the demonstration of a glass filled half of water sitting on a table and the demonstration is that a pessimistic person would say the glass is half empty while a optimismist would say it's half full. Then you have the opportunist comes along and drink it because he saw opportunity. That demonstration has really shaped the way I look at people and situations in life. There are people who have been victims of life that remain a victim and in my book categorized as a "victim of a victim" they represent the pessimist that life is awful because awful things ha...

Have you been burned by your church? Join the club....this is a tricky and sensitive topic to those who have, but I want to share what Ive learned and hopefully shed new light to someone else. My mom took me from church off and on my whole life, bounced around churches. When I moved back to Oklahoma in 6th grade to live with my dad, there was a church next door. My dad isnt into the church, but my grandparents started attending about that time. I learned that they were going on a trip to Nationals in another state for a week in the summer and all I had to do was a poem, song, skit...some type of art. They provided the fundraising and I just had to attend events and help to raise the money to go. ANYTHING to get away from home, I was on board sooooo I went everytime the doors were open (sometimes they were still locked). I became apart of the youth, I wasnt liked much but I had a guarded cold heart and attitude of distrust and held in years of emotional pain. The more involved I became,...

Money makes the world go round so I thought! I grew up on completely two different sides of financial status' so when I say that I'm a "calokie" (crossbreed between Oklahoma and California), you will learn to understand how I really did have two very different lives. My parents were divorced when I was 4 years old and my mom moved us to California. A young, single mom of two that worked hard to provide for us. We were the first ones at daycare and the last ones picked up. My grandma helped out some, but really my mom did it all herself. We lived in an apartment in a not so favorable part of town but we made it. I remember going to canned food outlet for our groceries and the laundry mat on Saturday's to do our wash. We didn't go out alot or do much but our needs were provided for and we were content. I remember how excited my mom would get when she got that golden envelope in the mail once a year and we would do some shopping :) My Oklahoma family (dads side) ...

Of all the "Christian" men I have dated (what a joke) and all the guys I grew up with, thay all seem to always pull out the woman submission line....from my perspective as a control freak and self sufficient woman, I always thought that would never happen. What a joke to follow some man who cant even support or take care of himself much less kids, finances, household chores, career and so on. If they make dumb decisions often and Im having to run the show to get things accomplished, exactly how am I supposed to submit? My thinking changed after 30 and after divorce to not that I would never submit to a man, but I would if it was someone I could respect and I felt I could let go of control to and know that things would be taken care of and realized part of that is trust and vulnerability. I began thinking about my past two marriages, the first was controlling and abusive in every way so I was scared into submission which resulted into I will never do that again and went comple...

Ummmm....now what? Exactly how does "Martha 31" get her tasks completed when shes 1/4 of the superhero she normally is? These two weeks have been the most frustrating that I have endured in quite some time, yet I am rejoicing through it. You see if Satan is taking the time to pester me, then I must be doing something right with my spirit. Hallalujah!!! Its only taken 32 years to learn, what next Lord...lol. Im not trying to toot my own horn here, but a pretty destructive couple of weeks and Im still breathing at the same level with an inner peace that has not defeated me demonstrates some MAJOR and I mean MAJOR growth. I havent thrown any tantrums, yelled at anyone, completely shut down or given up. My health, family, finances, emotions, thoughts and my work have all been challenged this week and I made it through smoothly.....WOW! Id like God to give me an "A" so we can move on from this lesson, but I know it doesnt exactly work that way. In the mean time, my famil...