Submission....ugh!

Of all the "Christian" men I have dated (what a joke) and all the guys I grew up with, thay all seem to always pull out the woman submission line....from my perspective as a control freak and self sufficient woman, I always thought that would never happen. What a joke to follow some man who cant even support or take care of himself much less kids, finances, household chores, career and so on. If they make dumb decisions often and Im having to run the show to get things accomplished, exactly how am I supposed to submit? My thinking changed after 30 and after divorce to not that I would never submit to a man, but I would if it was someone I could respect and I felt I could let go of control to and know that things would be taken care of and realized part of that is trust and vulnerability. I began thinking about my past two marriages, the first was controlling and abusive in every way so I was scared into submission which resulted into I will never do that again and went completely controlling to my next marriage and ran a boot camp for ten years much like my upbringing with my parents in the military. I was ruthless! I never gave my husband a chance to run our household, I didnt like his decisions and didnt care what he thought, it was my way or the highway and I had no consequences, I was so hard hearted that I really didnt care if he walked out the door and sometimes I wished he would have (just being honest). He never felt respected and I never respected him which really hurt our family dynamic with household, money and child raising. It was always about my needs and wants. Have you heard the saying, "if mama aint happy, aint nobody happy"....it was true in my house. I felt like respect had to be earned and my husband no matter what he did never earned it. I started dating other men and respected them....why? Was it a new relationship, was it my age, was it my eye opening moment? It was God. From the point of getting divorced, all I did was seek God and his word about marriage, family and woman. As I said before in an earlier blog, it wasnt because I wanted another family (I was soooo done)! I wanted an intimate relationship with God and to be a philantantophist. Marriage would just slow all that down or Id have to kiss it goodbye when I got too busy entertaining a family. I saw myself maybe having a relationship with someone who had a heart for missions and charities and we could be a team. I never looked back at the family I lost, I was miserable. I started seeing couples in the ministry and my heart started desiring and thirsting for that kind of relationship. In order to do that, I had to know Gods word and what his design was. In the mean time, once I left my husband he had to pay bills, work, run a household, be a father, get kids to and from soccer and school and he never missed one! I figured he would fall on his face as I did the first husband who couldnt even seem to watch our son much less fight me for full custody, but after it was over he made sure my son was taken care of and for awhile, he did better than I could because by then it wasnt one child, it was two and several business'. Boy oh boy was I so wrong about both of them. Yea, I've noticed! At some point I realized you can keep changing the man, but the issues of marriage were all the same and thats what I try to tell people who are in a down cycle and ready to give up. You can start a new relationship and put yourself and family through all the trauma just to find out down the road that you were either better off the first time or you have the same issues. Dont get me wrong here and think you have to stay and theres not better out there, Im saying you will face the same issues in all marriages so the key is learning how to deal with them positively and the outcome will be much brighter than one you already threw away or one your thinking about throwing away.

I learned that in order for me to submit to God, I have to submit to my husband (ouch). I did grow respect for my husband when we were divorced and enough to where we could have a fresh start and try it again correctly. Let me tell you the peace I live in and the difference in his decision making and running of the household because he feels respected has made a HUGE difference in our relationship. I still get tested and I still struggle, its not easy to bury ten years of running the show back to the same family and having no control. My dead give away is my face and attitude, I dont hide very well so my face is always readable. I have learned to control my attitude when I dont agree because that is not honoring God, neither is manipulation or playing games to make him see my point. I have buried that, but my face.....not sure how to get past that one lol. Its ok to not agree with your husband, but the way to handle it is to pray for both your hearts. Yours to make sure its in the right place and for his to be guided by Gods will. Opposites might attract, but they do drive each other absolutely crazy. I have learned not to pray for God to change his mind, but for his heart to be in the right place. I think how difficult it must be for a man to take on the burden of being the head of the household in the first place and then vision a barking yapping wife in his face telling him hes doing everything wrong. The man throws up his hands and gives up, wife wins again....WRONG! This is why ladies, the woman is to be a helper, supporter and encourager to her husband, the next line in the bible doesnt say as long as hes doing it her way it says to be a helper, supporter and encourager. (literally period).

Its hard to support someone you feel is making mistakes, I understand completely, but God will find favor in you and your heart for him. If you dont completely trust your husband then completely trust God and do it for God. Watch the dynamics of your home change and your prayers begin to be answered and doors begin to open. Its really about honoring God, you dont even have to like your husband lol, but you do have to respect and honor him to find favor with God. God will work on the not liking your husband part by your faithfulness to him. Your husband will see respect which is high on the top 10 needs list for a man and when his needs are met, he in return will meet yours and the circle of life will continue by Gods grace. You may feel like he doesnt deserve your repect, honor, heart, love and body, but if you will choose to break the pattern and cycle and try this with Gods help, you can turn around a desperate situation into a curve ball and still hit a home run in your marriage. Try it and dont give up each time it fails...keep going, its worth it!!!