Have you been burned by your church? Join the club....this is a tricky and sensitive topic to those who have, but I want to share what Ive learned and hopefully shed new light to someone else. My mom took me from church off and on my whole life, bounced around churches. When I moved back to Oklahoma in 6th grade to live with my dad, there was a church next door. My dad isnt into the church, but my grandparents started attending about that time. I learned that they were going on a trip to Nationals in another state for a week in the summer and all I had to do was a poem, song, skit...some type of art. They provided the fundraising and I just had to attend events and help to raise the money to go. ANYTHING to get away from home, I was on board sooooo I went everytime the doors were open (sometimes they were still locked). I became apart of the youth, I wasnt liked much but I had a guarded cold heart and attitude of distrust and held in years of emotional pain. The more involved I became, the better I felt about myself and who I was. The adults seemed to be just fine, but the kids treated me differently (my perspective). Much of it had to do with the fact that they were all raised in the church and were "prim and proper" (so I thought) and grew up together and I was the outsider who knew nothing about God and didnt live that "lifestyle". It was a hard time, but I made friends and fell in love with the church (not God and didnt know there was a difference at the time). I was becoming religious with no relationship to Christ. Years later, I finally had what I thought was a great group of friends and support group until I attempted suicide at 15 years old and landed in a mental institutuion for a week. I came back to find that my friends werent really friends (How is a 15 year old supposed to react in their defense) and I became an outsider again. I was judged to be honest and a "sinner" and I became "unequally yoked" and they were too busy at the lunch table not eating but "fasting" and everytime there was an alter call the whole group went down to wash their sins like "cursing" or "looking at a boy". It was very real then but now looking back, they were just kids learning life just as I, just in completely different situations. They went home to their church parents who were "perfect" families and I went home to well...an empty house most of the time because my parents cared more about working and money than spending time with me (again, my perspective and its changed through the years). I had a couple "friends" that remained and when I was kicked out of my home in California (again) they were at the airport to greet me only to find that I had completely done a 180 and was mean, selfish, addicted to drugs, alcohol and having sex. I had been Californized and came back to an Okie town with a bunch of "churchy" people who all acted really dumb and laughed and smiled all the time as if life was just peachy all the time because they had no idea was out of our town except other churches that we traveled to. Needless to say, I just the oddball once again and crossed through many churches only to be the bad influence that nobody could hang out with because that would be "sinning". So, I turned to more rebellion and hit a point in my life that I never thought Id never live through (another story).
When I had my son, I went back to that church and as all my friends were in bible college, I was learning to be mom and wife. I never did participate in the church after that and some friends moved back and some moved off. I put them on a pedistool because of the paths they chose, here they were in the ministry and I with a family doing everything completely wrong and backwards. Time heals all wounds and many of those relationships have rekindled as they all started getting married and having kids. I ended up in a marriage group with most of them and let me tell you, if you ever want to feel better about your marriage, go to a marriage class at church or function with those families and you will feel so much better about your situation (truth and fun in that statement). I began to see that they were real people and they went through what I went through somehow they just hid it all better than I. I started to see how people in ministry were really living their lives and I became bitter enough to quit the church. People like that cant run a church, when really there wasnt supposed to be a pedistool in the first place. We bounced around churches and found something we didnt like in all of them and that was enough to keep us out of church for 8 years or so as we wondered why our lives were so miserable, but we were a "Christian family"......
After we got divorced, I was dating "Christian men" (yea, I told you before that was a joke), It was more like an eye opening trap to open my eyes to the unknowns of what people in ministry and leadership positions really behaved like. I spent 15 years thinking these people had it all together and chose the path I wished I took over and over and over to the point of I screwed up my life its too late for me and in the end those people were very unhappy with more issues than I. As I pulled away and learned more about God, his heart, his desire, and his plan....I learned that "church" is a place not a relationship. I had dated these men that used excuse after excuse on why they couldnt go to or find a church and really all the time they had no idea of what church even is/was. Its not about the particular message or deliverance, its not about what songs and music is played and if that girl has talent singing. Do you know how many people I laughed at through the years that sounded awful but yet, I wasnt willing to go up there to sing and singing is a passion of mine. I would decide if the message was any good or not and didnt go if there was a guest speaker....missions were the worst! Do you know where my heart is today? Missions, why did I hate missions speakers? Because Satan had my my thoughts so consumed of how boring and stupid the "presentation" would be I didnt go...do you know what was really going on? Satan didnt want me to step foot in that presentation because he knew my calling was missions and I would have had a heart change long before I hit my destructive life path and my whole life would have went in a different direction. I hear people over and over tell me why they dont go to church and the number one answer is the way they have been treated by "Christians" how very sad....and if you ask if they are a "Christian" the answer is always yes, because we are set on the traditions of holiday church going and living a "decent" life to our own standards. That is not "Christianity" folks, its good ol folks living. "Christians" are supposed to be "christ followers", but how many actually even have a relationship or know what his word says? All other excuses follow from they think its about money and dont believe in tithing...how can you even be a Christian and not know what God says about tithing? Its not a negotiating contract with God, its His way all the way or not, there is no in between and Im sorry if I come across harsh or judgemental, I dont mean it that way, but get off the fence and take up your cross! I also hear the building, the programs, the activities, the people, the message the music, blah, blah, blah.
This all really became surreal my last trip to Haiti, as I looked around the service, I see the poorest people in the world, worshipping, crying, dancing, praising and singing their hearts out to God. I couldnt understand a word of the message preached, we were outside in a covering with no walls in the heat pouring sweat, ladys singing again not a word I can understand and I was so peaceful and so moved by the spirit that I was crying and speaking in tongues. This message came to me: "Hallalujah" is the only word I understood in Haiti and in Thailand and is wordwide. You dont need a building, or pyro techs, or skits or specials or even a strong message to be a "christ follower", in fact in Jesus days they were in tents doing very much the same thing. It was about the intimate relationship, not a shrine that they showed up to get a star for the week so they werent publically humiliated. And as far as "those church people".....guess what if you dont like whats been dealt to you then make sure your not that person to someone else. If you dont like how things are going then stand up and choose to do something about it. Dont be one of "those" people who gripe about everything, but do nothing to be apart of the solution. The church is the body of Christ, the hands and feet of Jesus and to completely be in his plan, you have to be apart of him. You will not agree all the time about everything your church does, but you have an opportunity to join it and become apart of "the body". You can be the reason someone comes to Christ not the reason why someone left. Why get down on the playing level of Satan and the deceiving he uses against people to turn them away and let him win? He is predictible and having an intimate relationship with God you would know the tricks he uses and how to fight them because you will already be armored for battle. Be the hands and feet of Jesus and stomp Satan out of your heart and mind, forgive who and what hurt you in the past, let go of the burden, jump in and carry your cross.
When I had my son, I went back to that church and as all my friends were in bible college, I was learning to be mom and wife. I never did participate in the church after that and some friends moved back and some moved off. I put them on a pedistool because of the paths they chose, here they were in the ministry and I with a family doing everything completely wrong and backwards. Time heals all wounds and many of those relationships have rekindled as they all started getting married and having kids. I ended up in a marriage group with most of them and let me tell you, if you ever want to feel better about your marriage, go to a marriage class at church or function with those families and you will feel so much better about your situation (truth and fun in that statement). I began to see that they were real people and they went through what I went through somehow they just hid it all better than I. I started to see how people in ministry were really living their lives and I became bitter enough to quit the church. People like that cant run a church, when really there wasnt supposed to be a pedistool in the first place. We bounced around churches and found something we didnt like in all of them and that was enough to keep us out of church for 8 years or so as we wondered why our lives were so miserable, but we were a "Christian family"......
After we got divorced, I was dating "Christian men" (yea, I told you before that was a joke), It was more like an eye opening trap to open my eyes to the unknowns of what people in ministry and leadership positions really behaved like. I spent 15 years thinking these people had it all together and chose the path I wished I took over and over and over to the point of I screwed up my life its too late for me and in the end those people were very unhappy with more issues than I. As I pulled away and learned more about God, his heart, his desire, and his plan....I learned that "church" is a place not a relationship. I had dated these men that used excuse after excuse on why they couldnt go to or find a church and really all the time they had no idea of what church even is/was. Its not about the particular message or deliverance, its not about what songs and music is played and if that girl has talent singing. Do you know how many people I laughed at through the years that sounded awful but yet, I wasnt willing to go up there to sing and singing is a passion of mine. I would decide if the message was any good or not and didnt go if there was a guest speaker....missions were the worst! Do you know where my heart is today? Missions, why did I hate missions speakers? Because Satan had my my thoughts so consumed of how boring and stupid the "presentation" would be I didnt go...do you know what was really going on? Satan didnt want me to step foot in that presentation because he knew my calling was missions and I would have had a heart change long before I hit my destructive life path and my whole life would have went in a different direction. I hear people over and over tell me why they dont go to church and the number one answer is the way they have been treated by "Christians" how very sad....and if you ask if they are a "Christian" the answer is always yes, because we are set on the traditions of holiday church going and living a "decent" life to our own standards. That is not "Christianity" folks, its good ol folks living. "Christians" are supposed to be "christ followers", but how many actually even have a relationship or know what his word says? All other excuses follow from they think its about money and dont believe in tithing...how can you even be a Christian and not know what God says about tithing? Its not a negotiating contract with God, its His way all the way or not, there is no in between and Im sorry if I come across harsh or judgemental, I dont mean it that way, but get off the fence and take up your cross! I also hear the building, the programs, the activities, the people, the message the music, blah, blah, blah.
This all really became surreal my last trip to Haiti, as I looked around the service, I see the poorest people in the world, worshipping, crying, dancing, praising and singing their hearts out to God. I couldnt understand a word of the message preached, we were outside in a covering with no walls in the heat pouring sweat, ladys singing again not a word I can understand and I was so peaceful and so moved by the spirit that I was crying and speaking in tongues. This message came to me: "Hallalujah" is the only word I understood in Haiti and in Thailand and is wordwide. You dont need a building, or pyro techs, or skits or specials or even a strong message to be a "christ follower", in fact in Jesus days they were in tents doing very much the same thing. It was about the intimate relationship, not a shrine that they showed up to get a star for the week so they werent publically humiliated. And as far as "those church people".....guess what if you dont like whats been dealt to you then make sure your not that person to someone else. If you dont like how things are going then stand up and choose to do something about it. Dont be one of "those" people who gripe about everything, but do nothing to be apart of the solution. The church is the body of Christ, the hands and feet of Jesus and to completely be in his plan, you have to be apart of him. You will not agree all the time about everything your church does, but you have an opportunity to join it and become apart of "the body". You can be the reason someone comes to Christ not the reason why someone left. Why get down on the playing level of Satan and the deceiving he uses against people to turn them away and let him win? He is predictible and having an intimate relationship with God you would know the tricks he uses and how to fight them because you will already be armored for battle. Be the hands and feet of Jesus and stomp Satan out of your heart and mind, forgive who and what hurt you in the past, let go of the burden, jump in and carry your cross.
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