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"Martha 31" vs sickness...hmmm

Ummmm....now what? Exactly how does "Martha 31" get her tasks completed when shes 1/4 of the superhero she normally is? These two weeks have been the most frustrating that I have endured in quite some time, yet I am rejoicing through it. You see if Satan is taking the time to pester me, then I must be doing something right with my spirit. Hallalujah!!! Its only taken 32 years to learn, what next Lord...lol. Im not trying to toot my own horn here, but a pretty destructive couple of weeks and Im still breathing at the same level with an inner peace that has not defeated me demonstrates some MAJOR and I mean MAJOR growth. I havent thrown any tantrums, yelled at anyone, completely shut down or given up. My health, family, finances, emotions, thoughts and my work have all been challenged this week and I made it through smoothly.....WOW! Id like God to give me an "A" so we can move on from this lesson, but I know it doesnt exactly work that way. In the mean time, my family is expecting "Martha 31" and I feel like "Heather", the goal is to one day be the same, but for right now its still an achievement to be like her as Im growing into her. I either have to choose the selfish couch/bed because thats what I feel like or the cooking, laundry, errands, bday party planning for tomorrow, entertaining children and working that Im getting paid and already paid for because thats what God designed me to do....tough call right now....really. I can report that my tone has been under control for one whole week, YAY!!! (Gotta start somewhere). This decision is important because if Im choosing to be upright then I must also choose a smile, tone and appropriate attitude or Im working in the wrong direction towards Gods plan for me.....but if I choose couch/bed option I see or talk to nobody (except kids) and dont have to put in the extra effort, but still moving in the wrong direction for Gods plan for me. So does that mean Im being tested right now? God can be so tricky to comprehend sometimes. I have a great book I could read about hearing his voice that I could read in bed today and learn all about it? LOL. My thought is this....maybe I can take care of the world until I collapse so that things are done in case I get worse and then things wont pile up and make a bigger disaster if I in fact end up having surgery or flying out of state for double funerals or both. The problem is as I told you before my mind can contradict every thought and the other thought in this situation is that if I get the rest I need now then maybe this afternoon, I will feel better and have a strong finish for the day....but knowing myself if I go down now there will be no getting up. So what the heck would "Martha 31" do? There are somedays I appreciate and respect that woman but today isnt one of them, I'd like to lock her up in a padded room so she doesn't make the rest of us look so bad for taking a freaking break! That woman has made me so exhausted and frazzled because she runs circles around me and I feel like a big fat failure trying to meet all the expectations of that very big piece of scripture (Proverbs 31). Deep breath, focus and get "yourself" (yourselves lol) together there is a lesson in this and its very possible I just typed it out before our own very eyes.  I think I might go put away some laundry, heaven knows I wont be eating the day away with this gall bladder of mine making me deathly ill. Is this perserverance or just plain dumb? Putting on my smile and adjusting my attitude....I think Ill work out the rest of todays details as I go. Say a prayer :)

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