On the search to seeking Gods will

Have you been burned by your church? Join the club....this is a tricky and sensitive topic to those who have, but I want to share what Ive learned and hopefully shed new light to someone else. My mom took me from church off and on my whole life, bounced around churches. When I moved back to Oklahoma in 6th grade to live with my dad, there was a church next door. My dad isnt into the church, but my grandparents started attending about that time. I learned that they were going on a trip to Nationals in another state for a week in the summer and all I had to do was a poem, song, skit...some type of art. They provided the fundraising and I just had to attend events and help to raise the money to go. ANYTHING to get away from home, I was on board sooooo I went everytime the doors were open (sometimes they were still locked). I became apart of the youth, I wasnt liked much but I had a guarded cold heart and attitude of distrust and held in years of emotional pain. The more involved I became,...

Money makes the world go round so I thought! I grew up on completely two different sides of financial status' so when I say that I'm a "calokie" (crossbreed between Oklahoma and California), you will learn to understand how I really did have two very different lives. My parents were divorced when I was 4 years old and my mom moved us to California. A young, single mom of two that worked hard to provide for us. We were the first ones at daycare and the last ones picked up. My grandma helped out some, but really my mom did it all herself. We lived in an apartment in a not so favorable part of town but we made it. I remember going to canned food outlet for our groceries and the laundry mat on Saturday's to do our wash. We didn't go out alot or do much but our needs were provided for and we were content. I remember how excited my mom would get when she got that golden envelope in the mail once a year and we would do some shopping :) My Oklahoma family (dads side) ...

Of all the "Christian" men I have dated (what a joke) and all the guys I grew up with, thay all seem to always pull out the woman submission line....from my perspective as a control freak and self sufficient woman, I always thought that would never happen. What a joke to follow some man who cant even support or take care of himself much less kids, finances, household chores, career and so on. If they make dumb decisions often and Im having to run the show to get things accomplished, exactly how am I supposed to submit? My thinking changed after 30 and after divorce to not that I would never submit to a man, but I would if it was someone I could respect and I felt I could let go of control to and know that things would be taken care of and realized part of that is trust and vulnerability. I began thinking about my past two marriages, the first was controlling and abusive in every way so I was scared into submission which resulted into I will never do that again and went comple...

Ummmm....now what? Exactly how does "Martha 31" get her tasks completed when shes 1/4 of the superhero she normally is? These two weeks have been the most frustrating that I have endured in quite some time, yet I am rejoicing through it. You see if Satan is taking the time to pester me, then I must be doing something right with my spirit. Hallalujah!!! Its only taken 32 years to learn, what next Lord...lol. Im not trying to toot my own horn here, but a pretty destructive couple of weeks and Im still breathing at the same level with an inner peace that has not defeated me demonstrates some MAJOR and I mean MAJOR growth. I havent thrown any tantrums, yelled at anyone, completely shut down or given up. My health, family, finances, emotions, thoughts and my work have all been challenged this week and I made it through smoothly.....WOW! Id like God to give me an "A" so we can move on from this lesson, but I know it doesnt exactly work that way. In the mean time, my famil...

Intimacy and sex are the hardest things to talk about in a marriage because it is based off of feelings and emotions. A marriage thats not having sex is really in danger the most and the reason as to why can vary, but needs to be addressed immediately or the relationship will suffer in all other aspects. Somehow everything gets centered around sex and its frustrating to us woman who are in for the feeling and emotion and guys are in it for the act, yet we have to work together to make both parties feel satisfied. This has been one of the hardest issues of all my relationships and has even caused a divorce (or two). Its important to know first off that men and woman view sex different otherwise you really are setting yourself up for failure. I have learned that sex is number one out of ten needs and wants of a man, yet its number ten of a womans list. The key to a healthy relationship is meeting your spouses needs and wants while your spouse is doing the same for you in the order of you...

I talk to so many couples that are ready to throw in the towel because they dont see light at the end of the tunnel and feel like they just married the wrong person. That is one of Satans biggest lies and yet its amazing how many of us fall for that one (including me). The fact is when we grow up thinking of marriage we want and see the fairytale. Everything we read and watch is a story ending in a fairytale and when we feel like we are living in a nightmare instead of a fairytale, we just assume and believe we married the wrong person and instead of making your own fairytale, you opt for divorce or thoughts of divorce (which are just as damaging). Ive said it before and Ill say it until the day that I die, "Love is a choice" and to go one step further, "Happiness is a choice". Ever heard the saying. "The grass is greener on the other side, until you step in the poop"? Its true, we see other marriages or our single friends and just think that they have the...

Forgiveness is a very had thing to do, its easy to say sometimes, but our emotions and feelings have a harder time really forgiving. I always went by the philosophy that if you screwed me once you were done. At some point I realized people make mistakes and I decided to give second chances conditionally (depending who you were and your offense to me). My life was full of let downs and disappointments and that led to the coldness and hardness as I sheltered myself from getting hurt repeatedly. I avoided people and relationships other than my spouse (and sometimes even him). I think I cried maybe 5 times in ten years of our relationship and usually related to health pain with my migraines and stoamch issues. When I first found out my husband cheated on me I was relieved that I had a reason to get divorced (Oh believe me, I know how horrible that sounds), we were already unhappy for so many years and he was the "perfect spouse" and everyone knew it, I just wasnt happy and though...