On the search to seeking Gods will

Day 4- Im in LOVE with the food and my team (Have I mentioned that?). Its Sunday...church day. A day of traditions, families and rest. Although my migraine wont let up, it was overcast today so I got to enjoy the day a little better. Every other country service I have been to is outdoors or open building with no a/c, packed tightly and last FOREVER!!! BUT- The spirit moves, people are full of joy and the music is incredible. Its the most surreal surrounding as your surrounded by people you don't know and cant understand yet see God so clearly. Its one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced in my life and when Im stressed to the max daily, I can close my eyes and hear the music and see the people, sounds and even smells of the church services around the world and it brings me to a place of quiet and sense of Godly peace. Taking deep breaths and embracing it can bring me to a place of serenity in any trial or storm. "All athletes are disciplined in their training

  I  waited to post from my trip to make sure I wasn't writing out of raw emotion as I have done before. I instead wrote in my journal and planned to share what I wrote when I was settled back in "my life routine" Here is my experience on the plane headed to Belize and rest of the week... Timehop three years ago popped up on day one of my trip and this is what I posted, "We focus on what were doing and where we are going, but Gods primary concern is who we are becoming in the process" from the book "The Circle Maker" Day 1- The last two years I have put my focus on the job. Getting everything done, doing whatever it takes to make things happen. I have completely taken my eyes of God and fulfilling any of his purposes for me. It was never intentional rather a feeling of survival mode to support my kids. I feel like time has stood still since leaving my hectic life behind, getting on this plane and finding myself feeling very alone wondering if the b

Ive thought about love a lot lately. When I first became newly single about a year and a half ago, I tried the dating scene. I should have taken that precious time to get myself together, but the thought of being alone literally paralyzed me. A trusted mentor of mine told me to make a list of the qualities and characteristics I was looking for in a potential partner. I blew it off...just being honest. I feel like placing expectations on someone of meeting the list qualifications or else just doesn't sit right. People change, people make mistakes but, I have since then found myself in confusion and compromising situations because Ive tried to justify each situation and mold it into what I think it could be or should be rather than what it actually is. There have been many times I have recapped our conversation and the thought of making the list has resurfaced. Im ready to write "The List". - Above all he must love God with everything he is and will be. The fear of the Lo

I cannot do this any longer, I cannot continue to live this way. My life is just not where it needs to be. I need to be redirected and refocused on God, my kids and my career. My life has been clouded. The enemy is pushing me towards a wall to stumble and fall when I'm at my weakest and he wins.  I cried out to God, literally sitting in my car while the kids are at soccer practice, bawling my eyes out for two hours (Thank goodness for dark sunglasses and very dark tinted windows). I feel like I'm marching around the walls for no purpose, I'm just walking around in circles waiting for the promises of the seventh day. When will the walls disappear? Where are the trumpets in my life Lord? Everything I do has fallen short, I cant help but to feel like a failure with work, kids, marriage. I know everyone falls short at one time or another, but I feel like I do I every time with everything. This juggling act of making it each day just to get by to one more day is not the quality

"Life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards", I read this from a friends post a few months ago, but I just cant get it off my mind. My step mom teased me in January for my birthday telling me I was now middle aged (35), let me just say I physically feel it. Replacing roofs and laying floors just don't do my back, shoulders, knees and hands very well anymore. I remember teasing my grandma growing up as she held her butt (hips) and ooooh'ed and awww'ed as she walked, isn't it funny how the nerves hit me in the same place getting out of my car. I just cant help but giggle every time even though Im in real agonizing pain. Maybe I am middle aged as I find a lot of my time rethinking my first half of life. I feel stuck in a place of resentment for all my failures and bad choices. I flew to Florida this weekend and read "Becoming Myself" by Stasi Eldredge. It pointed out many truths, but also I learned that Im not alone on some of t

For months I have been lost on my call to missions. I have felt the calling to missions since I was 13 years old. Yes, I have only been pursuing God the last 4 1/2 years; however, I was actually saved at 13 years old but didn't walk the walk.... in fact I ran very fast the opposite direction. I was physically present to everything I could be apart of simply to get out of my house. I remember when missionaries came to speak and with all of my mind and heart consumed, I just heard it all so clearly that it would be me. I spent a good 15 years running away from it, but I slowly jogged back. I have some family members that built and ran an orphanage in Brazil and I just knew that's where Id be. Imagine my surprise when I rededicated my life and the first mission trip offered was Brazil it was just my sign from God (I was serious then, but chuckling now). We so often misinterpret "signs from God" but to stay focused, ok moving on lol. I found out I was pregnant about the t

This picture above couldn't be more true. Arent we all broken or at least chipped from past experiences and life? At what point do we embrace our brokenness and use it for a better future whether it be from what we learned, to what can we prevent or who can we help. Christine Caine writes in her book "Unstoppable" that "When our broken pieces are offered to God, he mulitplies them for HIS purpose" The bible tells us "all things work together for the good". We live in a broken world and with that comes broken people. Sometimes (not always) our expectations of people are too high. We put them on pedestools or label them based on a title and really they are just people and face it we all make mistakes. 2014 has not been my best year but its not anyones fault or because of any reason other than I dropped my commitments to make God number one. I put other things and people in the number one spot and as Ive told you before, I lose my balance if the numb