"The List"

Ive thought about love a lot lately. When I first became newly single about a year and a half ago, I tried the dating scene. I should have taken that precious time to get myself together, but the thought of being alone literally paralyzed me. A trusted mentor of mine told me to make a list of the qualities and characteristics I was looking for in a potential partner. I blew it off...just being honest. I feel like placing expectations on someone of meeting the list qualifications or else just doesn't sit right. People change, people make mistakes but, I have since then found myself in confusion and compromising situations because Ive tried to justify each situation and mold it into what I think it could be or should be rather than what it actually is. There have been many times I have recapped our conversation and the thought of making the list has resurfaced. Im ready to write "The List".

- Above all he must love God with everything he is and will be. The fear of the Lord is a MUST for anyone I can consider a life partner. When someone walks and honors God, they bear fruit that overflows. They have gifts, talents, strengths and conviction. They are unable to willingly sin and be ok with it. There is a different set of rules in a relationship that honors God, and the return is the intimate covenant of trust, pureness, honor, faithfulness. I believe it to be the most beautiful thing between each other. Most of the list are not issues with a God fearing man, keeping in mind that nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. I'm not looking for perfection, I'm looking for a man after Gods own heart.

- He should honor, support and enrich my relationship with God. He should be able to pray with me and for me. Teach me, show me, lead me, grow me yet let me open his eyes and heart to God  myself through my examples and growth through the years. I want to be with someone I can respect, but I need someone that I actually can respect by their morals, values and daily walk.

- He must honor and respect that I am a mother to three boys and ALL that comes with leading and raising a family. As the boys are getting older it is harder to blend a family with teenagers and these boys that are bigger than I am are no exclusion. They will fight to find their place as men in this world and household....so a new person coming in isn't going to be handled well. I need someone that doesn't treat them like stepchildren or that they are in the way. I need someone who can encourage and be there for them, yet correct and discipline to keep on the right path when needed.

- He must be a hardworker and willing to do what it takes to make our family healthy financially, emotionally, mentally and physically. I need a teammate, not another child.

- He must be patient! I am a handful and so are my kids. I am not easy to lead as I am very independent and stubborn. I have many control and security issues from previous hurts and tears. I don't have the easiest past, but I have worked very hard to heal and not carry. I cannot be with anyone who can hurt people or talk down or belittle people. Anger and short tempered doesn't work for me. I know we all lose it, but everything should not upset him and get him worked up to yelling, throwing, breaking or violence physically, emotionally, sexually or mentally. I need someone who knows when to walk away and when to come back. Im very sensitive and my spirit is easy crushed even though my tone is strong.

- I have NO tolerance for lying. One lie and its over....I just cant do it and there is no need for it. Im a very good communicator and I need security in the relationship more than any other need. We can work through anything together, but I will not be lied to or deceived.

- I need a lover but not a pushover. I need to know and feel like Im wanted but I don't like "yes men". They are boring and I will walk all over it just give it time. Not intentionally, but it will happen over time and I don't want to take anyone forgranted.

- He must be strong in all aspects. He will have me, my kids, my exs, my family and the public against him at times. I need someone that isn't wishy washy or someone who doesn't walk out and abandon us after we give our hearts. I am strong willed and need someone stronger than me to be able to handle me without breaking me. Physically.... I love a strong chest and shoulders, they comfort me and make me feel protected. I love to be held (once I actually stop moving).

- The look...he must look at me with the look. There should be a sparkle in his eyes when he looks at me and the boys. It shows me Im adored and hes in love. Its the best feeling in the world that of all the people in the world and all that is going on in life that he can look at me and I can take his breath away not the look of undressing me with his eyes and mind (ok, sometimes) but not every single time. I want to be persued and chosen, not just another woman to take care of things for him. I want to be the exception that he can let go of all his past relationships, hurts and fears and have me wrapped round his finger by his charm and smile yet knowing Im going to serve him in anyway he needs and wants without taking advantage or taking it forgranted. I need someone who feels they have everything with me, not wonder if they made the right decision or choice when things are not perfect.

- He must understand my balance. I am capable of all things and will give him the world, but I need someone that's not a taker without giving it back to me. I don't want to plan everything or pay for everything, I don't necessarily like surprises but I love adventure. I like a challenge but not a brick wall that always makes me feel like Ive done something wrong or disappointed him, or let him down, or that Im not good enough. I cant feel like a failure or I will fall apart.

- He must be able to understand me. I am very difficult to learn to understand but once you do my face or body language will tell you every answer you want to know at any given time. He should be able to pay attention enough to actually know me, the real me not always what Im putting out by trying to be brave.

- He must be able to know and protect my heart and mind. Its been shattered so many times that it is delicate. He should be able to protect it by what he says and does and also from others. I need to feel safe before I can be vulnerable. It will take time to get there, but I promise its worth the wait.

- He must enjoy traveling. If I could have my way, Id be gone exploring the world anytime I could. The world is a beautiful place and I want to experience it and share it with the one I love.

- We love to eat and we love to be outdoors. We like to camp, hunt, fish and explore. Someone who can make these things happen for us would be amazing. We love sports. Love to grill and chill at home, but love going and doing also.

- He must understand and be patient, supportive of my job. I am the boss and run four companies. I run my family and keep things going. Its a transition for me to come home and be second in command but Im willing if he can handle things to benefit and be the best for everyone involved not just him. I work crazy hours and am in a lot of dangerous situations....its just the way it is. Ideally someone who can jump in and help would be great, but hopefully not intiminated by me and the things I can do. Just understand why I come home crazy and support me. I don't want someone that is prissy but someone whos not afraid to get dirty and give anything a shot.

- Im not a fan of know it alls, opinionated, arrogant, or judgemental. I think you should have opinions on things, but respect those that don't agree with you. I dont do argumentative because Im not a fighter in my home or heart. I just need a man who stands up for what he believes in yet has open ears, eyes and heart to understand all views and circumstances.

- I need someone with a compassionate heart who is willing to make a difference when and where he can. I love working disaster relief and missions. I love food and clothing outreach and ministry. I love construction and building. I love helping people and making their world a better place because Christ lives in me. Meet the physical, mental and emotional needs of people and you can impact spiritual needs.

Maybe my list is crazy, but its important to me. This week, love has really been on my mind. Love for God, love in my heart, love for people and love in my life. Its easy to think as a single person that if love is on my mind it must be for a partner. I have read, watched and heard many different sermons and thoughts on love and it has really opened my eyes and heart to understand what it means deeply not just the word. Most importantly love is forgiving, graceful and merciful. It is honest and pure. Love is deep, intimate and passionate. I think true love takes strength and determination. Love is a choice, not a feeling. Feelings are temporary, but true love never fails and conquers all things. Confusion and struggle is from the devil. Love brings peace that surpasses all understanding. Love is an unconditional commitment. Love makes time and is a priority of the highest. Love is unselfish and it is respectful. Love does not take forgranted or take advantage. Love doesn't hurt, lie or manipulate. Love allows you to let go of control and allows you to be vulnerable with no walls or layers to peel back or tear down. Love doesn't put you in compromising situations or play games. Love doesn't have to overthink because it flows with warmth. Love feels empathy and sympathy for the hurting and would never deliberately hurt another. Love doesn't retaliate or keep score. Love doesn't use the word hate. Love isn't disrespectful or hurtful. Love is honoring and uplifting. Love is healing. Love is security and warmth. Love is serving others and humbling the self on behalf of another. Love is sacrifice. Love keeps no secrets. Love is unified. Love means total submission. Love doesn't cause doubt or confusion but clarity. Love is radiant and beautiful. Love is joyful and content. I think when we learn to love everything and everybody in any situation or time in our lives then our relationships with anyone around us will blossom and grow into a meaningful life worth living and looking back on as well as a leaving a legacy worth leaving. God is love, I want to be like him and my future partner should too.