I have learned to reverse roles before "blowing up" or even speaking (reacting) to avoid regret and overreacting. It took me along time to think about someone else and how they must feel, as I mentioned before it was literally my way or the highway and there was no such thing as fair in my previous life (pre-christ). All about me, I was so selfish and Im embarrassed to mention it, but at the same time demonstrating growth by even admitting it. The best example I can give you is when it all changed for me and why this was so eye opening for me after all the wasted years I spent angry, bitter and resentful. My husband is a firefighter and at the time was on shift every third day. We had small children (one with ADHD), a restraunt, rental property, he also worked on local ambulance and I sold real estate....did I mention I also worked at St. Francis as a nurse tech going to nursing school? (background info lol). He would be gone one full day and night and then come home and sleep majority of the next day. We would be in the middle of working on a rent house and then he would leave which already irritated me, not to mention then thinking I'd have him the next day and then him sleep through it....Can I just say the anger, bitterness and resentment that built up over years of doing that was horrific. In his mind, I met him that way and knew what I was getting into and yes, he was correct, but that was also before we had a wild child, restraunt, rental property and sold real estate not to mention I still had my job at St. Francis even though I gave up nursing school.....I could not do it all on my own and when he was home I unleashed it all and handed the worlds problems over to him to where he was not only miserable coming home, but then started to feel guilty leaving me alone (which I made sure he did, yea...I just admitted it!) No wonder he volunteered for more shifts (I would have also if I could have just walked away from everything and it still function). For years we battled that until he gave up on his dream and I gave up on mine and we both quit our jobs to take care of our new responsibilities none of them our passion, but the way to a better lifestyle (so we thought at the time...NOT). We both resented each other for quitting the jobs we cared about the most and it was evident in our home. Our whole 8 years of marriage was like this. Being my way or the highway, I ran EVERYTHING and told him what and what not to do. That is no way to live and then and Im being sarcastic..."he was ungrateful for everything I gave, done and provided for him and was depressed, how could anyone be depressed when the world is handed to them?" That was my thinking and the bitterness, resentment and anger boiled to where I just believed I married a monster....when in fact I was the monster!!!!
Ok, so to keep you on track now that you have history (I warned you in the beginning of my blog how my brain works lol).....fast forward to us being divorced. I decided to do "Relay for Life" and stay up all night with my coworkers (friends). I stayed up all day, night and then went to my sons soccer game and then a birthday party before I thought my eyeballs dried up and I was gonna collapse. The aha came at that moment..."How can Ben stay up all day, night working and then I expected him to get busy working on houses immediately." Are ya kidding me? I couldnt use power tools, be out mowing or on a roof as tired as I was that night after Relay, I woulda hurt or killed myself or someone else. I found a new appreciation for what he did and I have never to this day given him any kind of attitude for coming home and sleeping. This lesson was reitterated when I ran shelters that same year with the Red Cross being up running shelters for days and then mission trips not sleeping well on cots or air mattress' and then working and entertaining all the next day , yet the person I loved most, I treated so poorly and shamefully awful because I was selfish and made our life all about me...not us, not God, not our children, not him....ME!
The lesson applied to so much more of my life than just the fire department....I have looked at each situation and considered the other person before I decided to react. I find it odd with many relationships and mostly the woman who tell their man that they cant do something but yet do it themselves. One example is most women will text guys (friends) and not think anything of it, but if your man was texting another girl...how would you react? So why is it ok for you and not them? You dont have to take me literal that was another example and honestly if committed people werent "friends" with the opposite sex then there wouldnt be an issue...but I see it everyday! Even with your friends or coworkers...trying reversing roles before you speak your mind and think how you would feel or react if someone did "that" (could be anything) to you. If you want to talk behind someones back or make rules for your partner then you need to think of what it would be like if they were saying that about you and make sure your honoring your partner, friends or people for that matter with the same respect you would want to be treated. If you are sneaking or scheming, you might try reversing roles first and think of how you would feel if you found your partner or friend doing that to you and if an incident arises in your household or circle and you want to blame, accuse or blow up imagine that to be you first to make sure your feelings are valid and I guarantee you more often times then not you were overreacting and have said or about to say things you will regret or feel guily about later. Why not catch these selfish behaviors and tantrums that cause footholds and get rid of the "drama", stress, anger, bitterness and resentment. I promise its not worth it and the peace you have when your living free far outweighs misery. Think about someone other than yourself and your whole world will open up to greater and better expereinces not only in relationships but also in life. Have you ever reacted to someone by the way they came across? Have you ever asked them if they were ok or did you just treat them the way you thought was appropriate based on their behavior? You never know what people are going through or have been through so before you react, try walking a mile in their shoes to see how you would handle their situations. Show Christ through your smile and peacefulness that they see your light and even beacon of hope instead of treating them the way of the world. You dont want to find out later they just left the drs office and have a disease or illness, you never know if they just loss someone close to them or if they just made the decision to quit drinking, smoking or off a drug and maybe they are withdrawling. You never know if that person speeding is trying to get to a loved one before their last breath or a house that is on fire. Maybe the person taking to long at the drive thru window is scraping the change of the car floor to pay for it (Ive been there). Less of you, more of them will give you a new perspective and outlook on people if you take the time to stop thinking about you, yourself, your time, your life....isnt life about serving others anyway?
Please dont misunderstand my words, its a learned behavior that takes time to appreciate, Im not judging or pretending that I have it all together. This was a 30 year breakthrough and nobody could have told me different (I was that stubborn). It is amazing to see God open my eyes and heart that is striving to be his heart, the world is viewed differently. Try using role reversal in your situations and see if you can be more patient and understanding of other people and above all, learn to be unselfish in the way you act and what you say to other people....watch your relationships bloom into the most beautiful bouquet you have ever seen and experienced. Enjoy life!
Ok, so to keep you on track now that you have history (I warned you in the beginning of my blog how my brain works lol).....fast forward to us being divorced. I decided to do "Relay for Life" and stay up all night with my coworkers (friends). I stayed up all day, night and then went to my sons soccer game and then a birthday party before I thought my eyeballs dried up and I was gonna collapse. The aha came at that moment..."How can Ben stay up all day, night working and then I expected him to get busy working on houses immediately." Are ya kidding me? I couldnt use power tools, be out mowing or on a roof as tired as I was that night after Relay, I woulda hurt or killed myself or someone else. I found a new appreciation for what he did and I have never to this day given him any kind of attitude for coming home and sleeping. This lesson was reitterated when I ran shelters that same year with the Red Cross being up running shelters for days and then mission trips not sleeping well on cots or air mattress' and then working and entertaining all the next day , yet the person I loved most, I treated so poorly and shamefully awful because I was selfish and made our life all about me...not us, not God, not our children, not him....ME!
The lesson applied to so much more of my life than just the fire department....I have looked at each situation and considered the other person before I decided to react. I find it odd with many relationships and mostly the woman who tell their man that they cant do something but yet do it themselves. One example is most women will text guys (friends) and not think anything of it, but if your man was texting another girl...how would you react? So why is it ok for you and not them? You dont have to take me literal that was another example and honestly if committed people werent "friends" with the opposite sex then there wouldnt be an issue...but I see it everyday! Even with your friends or coworkers...trying reversing roles before you speak your mind and think how you would feel or react if someone did "that" (could be anything) to you. If you want to talk behind someones back or make rules for your partner then you need to think of what it would be like if they were saying that about you and make sure your honoring your partner, friends or people for that matter with the same respect you would want to be treated. If you are sneaking or scheming, you might try reversing roles first and think of how you would feel if you found your partner or friend doing that to you and if an incident arises in your household or circle and you want to blame, accuse or blow up imagine that to be you first to make sure your feelings are valid and I guarantee you more often times then not you were overreacting and have said or about to say things you will regret or feel guily about later. Why not catch these selfish behaviors and tantrums that cause footholds and get rid of the "drama", stress, anger, bitterness and resentment. I promise its not worth it and the peace you have when your living free far outweighs misery. Think about someone other than yourself and your whole world will open up to greater and better expereinces not only in relationships but also in life. Have you ever reacted to someone by the way they came across? Have you ever asked them if they were ok or did you just treat them the way you thought was appropriate based on their behavior? You never know what people are going through or have been through so before you react, try walking a mile in their shoes to see how you would handle their situations. Show Christ through your smile and peacefulness that they see your light and even beacon of hope instead of treating them the way of the world. You dont want to find out later they just left the drs office and have a disease or illness, you never know if they just loss someone close to them or if they just made the decision to quit drinking, smoking or off a drug and maybe they are withdrawling. You never know if that person speeding is trying to get to a loved one before their last breath or a house that is on fire. Maybe the person taking to long at the drive thru window is scraping the change of the car floor to pay for it (Ive been there). Less of you, more of them will give you a new perspective and outlook on people if you take the time to stop thinking about you, yourself, your time, your life....isnt life about serving others anyway?
Please dont misunderstand my words, its a learned behavior that takes time to appreciate, Im not judging or pretending that I have it all together. This was a 30 year breakthrough and nobody could have told me different (I was that stubborn). It is amazing to see God open my eyes and heart that is striving to be his heart, the world is viewed differently. Try using role reversal in your situations and see if you can be more patient and understanding of other people and above all, learn to be unselfish in the way you act and what you say to other people....watch your relationships bloom into the most beautiful bouquet you have ever seen and experienced. Enjoy life!
Comments
Post a Comment