Its the time of year again that in my house we dread, "alarm days".....school, soccer, activities and holidays. Although we love what we do, we dont like schedules (yes, we are that spoiled). My kids get up, dressed and fed before I even wake up. I wake up and walk to the car to meet them and off we go! I get in seasons and need to be reprogrammed every so often and this weekend of course as my heart was convicted, the self talk went something like this: Here I am trying to be "Martha 31" and all I want to do is sleep...NO, NO, NO! You need to be up, fully ready for work, make breakfast for your children and head to work to get it all done so that you dont slack in your work and you keep a happy family.....ugh, I know!
So, tomorrow starts a new day that I begin being like most families who think Im absolutely nuts and spoiled right now, but then I was also opened up to this thought so stay with me....what else do we do in seasons and slack off with? Last year I was all on top of it and in a new relationship where I was up hours before anyone else and went to bed only when everything was done and in its place and still made time for hubby (boyfriend at the time lol). I was feeding animals and cleaning up after them, I had meals made, house cleaned, gardening each night, working around the farm, found time to look nice and do all the extras including surprises for my "boyfriend" everyday. Why did that slip to every couple of days to once a week? Did I use all my ideas and run out, was I feeling not appreciated, was I just exhausted or maybe all? I went way out of my way and yet now I cant seem to do anything but roll out of bed and cant wait to get back in it. Ive had enough experience in marriage to know warning signs and patterns and this is definately one of them that I will not let happen...Im not going down this path again to where all I do is lounge around because I am tired or sick. "moms" show is on and nobody bug me...Im not going back to that, Im a new creation. That was a sign of depression, Im not depressed and definately dont want to be lazy. "Martha 31" is not lazy and lazy is not pleasing to God. How can I possibly expect my work, kids and husband to succeed and excel if Im not putting in the work? I cant expect things not to fall apart when Im not giving 120% all the time, not just when I feel like it. I definately dont ever want to take my job or family forgranted (again) because I know that they could be gone tomorrow, so I had better give them all I have everyday.
I used to make fun of the moms that looked like they had it all together instead of desiring to be better, I scoffold at their "fakeness"...who could be perfect like that all the time? I would never be the "cool" mom because I never spent enough time with my own kids much less wanted to have other kids around. Wives that served their husbands and had the perfect house with full meals on the table each night....yea whatever! But, after I gave my heart to God and sought after his plan for me and my family, I realized that its not about being perfect...its about being a woman, wife and mother which is the highest calling he gives. I will choose to carry my cross and kick out the pebbles underneath me in my path of seeking Gods will. Im glad that Ive learned from my mistakes and can forsee patterns and behaviors that will destruct my marriage enough to turn around, accept and face things head on to keep improving. I find my tone has changed and my tolerance as well as patience are completely different and as result, my kids are acting different. A void I have had for a very long time is starting to fill as I see them wanting to snuggle, hug and smile with me (something that was rare at one time). God is working in our family and it starts with willingness, letting go of ALL control and following his plan for marriage and raising children. I have even found myself wanting to be a stay at home mom and homeschooling (so far out of left field for me)....Again, guilty as charged also, making fun of "those" women in my former life.
I know Im capable of this, I just get "burnt" out and then stay there awhile. Im still learning how to keep myself fueled and Im sure consistancy is the key. Being bi-polar doesnt help I go so high and then crash...... being consistant on a smaller scale might be the "secret" I need to keep going instead of making a "grand entrance" for everything which also sets up expectations and then lowers them if I cant keep playing at that level....Im gonna have to pace myself to last longer as if I were running a marathon. You cant just take off full speed ahead and expect to finish first, you will lose charge and stamina....you have to pace yourself. Sounds great, but Im not sure what that means yet in "Heather terms". Giving 120% all the time and yet pacing myself or staying consistant is really going to be quite challenging, but I wouldnt be here making this challenge if I werent "all in". Say a prayer...tomorrow is 10 hours away!!
So, tomorrow starts a new day that I begin being like most families who think Im absolutely nuts and spoiled right now, but then I was also opened up to this thought so stay with me....what else do we do in seasons and slack off with? Last year I was all on top of it and in a new relationship where I was up hours before anyone else and went to bed only when everything was done and in its place and still made time for hubby (boyfriend at the time lol). I was feeding animals and cleaning up after them, I had meals made, house cleaned, gardening each night, working around the farm, found time to look nice and do all the extras including surprises for my "boyfriend" everyday. Why did that slip to every couple of days to once a week? Did I use all my ideas and run out, was I feeling not appreciated, was I just exhausted or maybe all? I went way out of my way and yet now I cant seem to do anything but roll out of bed and cant wait to get back in it. Ive had enough experience in marriage to know warning signs and patterns and this is definately one of them that I will not let happen...Im not going down this path again to where all I do is lounge around because I am tired or sick. "moms" show is on and nobody bug me...Im not going back to that, Im a new creation. That was a sign of depression, Im not depressed and definately dont want to be lazy. "Martha 31" is not lazy and lazy is not pleasing to God. How can I possibly expect my work, kids and husband to succeed and excel if Im not putting in the work? I cant expect things not to fall apart when Im not giving 120% all the time, not just when I feel like it. I definately dont ever want to take my job or family forgranted (again) because I know that they could be gone tomorrow, so I had better give them all I have everyday.
I used to make fun of the moms that looked like they had it all together instead of desiring to be better, I scoffold at their "fakeness"...who could be perfect like that all the time? I would never be the "cool" mom because I never spent enough time with my own kids much less wanted to have other kids around. Wives that served their husbands and had the perfect house with full meals on the table each night....yea whatever! But, after I gave my heart to God and sought after his plan for me and my family, I realized that its not about being perfect...its about being a woman, wife and mother which is the highest calling he gives. I will choose to carry my cross and kick out the pebbles underneath me in my path of seeking Gods will. Im glad that Ive learned from my mistakes and can forsee patterns and behaviors that will destruct my marriage enough to turn around, accept and face things head on to keep improving. I find my tone has changed and my tolerance as well as patience are completely different and as result, my kids are acting different. A void I have had for a very long time is starting to fill as I see them wanting to snuggle, hug and smile with me (something that was rare at one time). God is working in our family and it starts with willingness, letting go of ALL control and following his plan for marriage and raising children. I have even found myself wanting to be a stay at home mom and homeschooling (so far out of left field for me)....Again, guilty as charged also, making fun of "those" women in my former life.
I know Im capable of this, I just get "burnt" out and then stay there awhile. Im still learning how to keep myself fueled and Im sure consistancy is the key. Being bi-polar doesnt help I go so high and then crash...... being consistant on a smaller scale might be the "secret" I need to keep going instead of making a "grand entrance" for everything which also sets up expectations and then lowers them if I cant keep playing at that level....Im gonna have to pace myself to last longer as if I were running a marathon. You cant just take off full speed ahead and expect to finish first, you will lose charge and stamina....you have to pace yourself. Sounds great, but Im not sure what that means yet in "Heather terms". Giving 120% all the time and yet pacing myself or staying consistant is really going to be quite challenging, but I wouldnt be here making this challenge if I werent "all in". Say a prayer...tomorrow is 10 hours away!!
wow that is very powerful i needed to read this . thank you !
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