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Saving the world...yea right!

I have a had a couple people sarcastically say that I'm out trying to save the world, so I thought Id share my experiences with missions. I felt the calling to missions about 13 years old and always believed I would be a missionary in Brazil at an orphanage that was built by extended relatives and supported by my local church as well as other churches. Lets just say, my life took a different turn when I moved to California at 15 years old and instead of graduating, going to bible college and dedicating my life to becoming a missionary... I became a rebellious, drug and alcohol abuser, runaway and high school dropout. I was introduced to a church about three years ago that was doing a mission trip in Brazil and I just knew it was a "sign", so I signed up to go. I was depressed and my marriage was at the end of its existence, financial strain was intolerable and I was stressed to the max with rental property and real estate. Almost time to go and I found out I was pregnant so I wasn't able to get the shots needed to go and I'm a very bad pregnant person so a two week boat adventure on the Amazon river just wasn't in my cards and I cancelled the trip, lost the baby and ended my marriage.

I started a new church after separating from my husband and it changed my life! There were many mission opportunities and after I restored my relationship with God, I signed up for Haiti. I struggled as a single mom of three to come up with the money to go, paying what I could when I had a real estate closing. The last meeting and final day to pay, I decided to sell all my gold jewelry and some of my belongings to come up with the last payment. I walked into the meeting that night so proud of what I did to get the money and I was finally going on a mission trip. The statements were handed out as I turned in my payment and they said I didn't owe. I knew I did, what happened? They said an anonymous donor had paid my final payment and tears started flowing. I knew only maybe five people in the church and for only maybe a year.....I haven't cried nor have I ever experienced that kind of generosity or love EVER! I was so humbled by that couple and will be forever grateful for what they did for me. I left for Haiti not knowing a single sole on the airplane or anyone in my group. I was NOT the nicest, warmest, friendliest or approachable person at the time so I was EXTREMELY out of my comfort zone to be with a bunch of "churchy" people. I was excited to get there and build/paint homes and that was where my heart was. Of course we would visit orphanages and village people but we were going to work that's where my focus was. Kids are not my comfort zone, I already struggled with my own so these other kids were not really on my agenda. I'm sure the people that were with me didn't know how to take me and probably questioned numerous times why I was even there, but the internal restoration that took place on the trip is/was absolutely incredible. I went trying to make a difference using my knowledge, time and skills for someone else and the difference was made in me.

We got back and I signed up for Thailand, again with kids not sure why these things happen to me lol. I love to travel and I wanted to do missions so badly that I think I would go anywhere just to go. I love seeing other cultures and families. I love to travel, but I needed to evaluate why I was there. I made it through teaching English camp for a week, then had to learn kids songs and dances to be the tiger mascot. Don't tell anyone but I had a blast doing it!! Singing and dancing in a over sized tiger costume was so not me! I begin to see where God was going with this mission thing and he strategically placed me with kids and team members to stretch me out and open me up. I do view the world differently as a whole and in my own little world. I begin seeking missions and have a heart for medical missions. I joined another Haiti team with a different attitude and opened up myself a little more. I began to live differently financially so that I could go on trips when giving the opportunity. I just finished a podcast called "strapped" by lifechurch.tv doing a series on money and the truth is, mission trips became my priority after tithes and bills so I worked on cutting down debt because I know its not pleasing to God. I know that full time missionaries can not have debt and must raise their own funds to go on their assignments. I am in line with following the plan for full time missions, but I know God is still working on me and I have a family here that needs me and is my full time mission now. To go from having to have the best and keeping up with the Jones' to being a single mom of three and paying off all that debt, I can see the lessons on living on less and what other people live like around the world, I haven't a reason to complain. My Belgium trip has been postponed and Spain cancelled. I'm still scheduled for Africa and Belgium for next year. I took my kids to Alabama this past summer to help some people there and again, I took off not knowing a single person I was going with. Its hard for a control freak that is anti kid to go on these trips where I have to work with other people and a bunch of kids, but I wouldn't take any of those experiences or memories back. I'm regretful of my attitudes and behavior on some of those trips, but I was and am a work in progress.

I have learned that life is not about me and its a whole lot bigger than the little things and dramas we create around us. I see the big picture and it no longer includes wasting my time being mad, controlling, hateful, bitter, doubtful, resentful, manipulative, judgemental, prissy, sarcastic or downright just mean. The truth is that I'm faced with growth and challenges on each trip that I go on with the people that go with me and the people there at the sights. Change has not been accepted with open arms in me because I have guarded my heart and self for so many years, but the fact I'm willing to let go and participate shows major growth and desire to live unselfishly. I may not have had a happy face and the best attitude which I regret, but I did face my fears and go. My eyes have been opened about what it means to serve and love others unconditionally not because of what they have or what they can do for me, but just to love people as Jesus did with no agenda or reason other than to keep his commandments and do his will. I'm not saving the people that I serve, they are saving me and have taught me the most humbling lessons of my life and I cant wait to experience more of what God is teaching me and blessing me with allowing me to use the gifts he provided me to use for his glory serving others.
 
 








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