Skip to main content

I just cant


 Im exhausted, Im worn out...I just cant people. I cant even answer or look at my phone its always someone that has an issue, someone that needs something, some decision to be made. Im over it. Why is it so hard for other people to make plans, organize and decide? Why is it always me? Why is it assumed I will handle it all? Wouldnt it be nice for once....just once for someone else to make a plan, to decide, to organize, to pay...Im exhausted. Why am I always accused of being the bad guy and the control freak because no one else will do it so then I make things work and apparently Im the devil. I literally work 7 days a week, 12-14 hour days for everyone to be miserable and unhappy. What gives? If Im busy, Im, rude. If Im non tolerant of drama, Im cold. If Im having fun, Im lazy, If Im happy I must be up to something. If I dress up, Im cheating. If Im hyper then Im too much. If Im quiet apparently something is wrong....I just cant people. I just want to runaway by myself. Why do people feel the need to judge me? I do not have it all together and I dont pretend to. I am a mess....why can I not just be accepted the way I am? What is it God that you created me to be? I have feelings they are crushed, I dont have feelings Im cold. I build houses around the world and feed the homeless, but evict people that dont pay as a career. I literally get griped out all day from people sitting on their couches that Im just not doing enough for them. I am over it. Why me? Why do people not take time to understand each other before attacking them? Why dont people stop and listen? Why do people act like entitled brats rather than human beings? Is this a rant? Probably coming out that way but if I dont get these reoccuring feelings out, Im going to snap. I cant take any more complaints, I cant take anymore hatefulness, I cant take anymore cursing and yelling, I cant take anymore accusing....Im exhausted. I need Jesus. I need peace and clarity in my soul and right now its just cloudy. The weight of the world was never intended for me to carry so why am I carrying it? 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Hillsong

 I came across Hillsong music around 1997. I was 17 , just lost my grandfather the most precious person to me and with my heart full of "why Gods", there is just something about Hillsong music that brings me to my knees. This music has been with me through the hardest moments in my life ever since. I had no idea it was a church or school until recently. I have every CD (for those that know what that is haha) and they have been played over and over that Ive had to rebuy them. Now I have Hillsong music on pandora so it plays through my car. I can scream it at the top of my lungs on a good day or say nothing at all on a bad day. Last week I accidently stumbled across the documentary so I watched it. I learned alot. I had no idea any of that had gone on to be honest. I didnt know what to think or say so I took a couple days to process. I have said this before in past post about putting people in the church on pedestals. Yes, I have also been hurt on more than one occasion from mu...

PK

So I have a disheartning confession...Im a plant killer (boo). My mother calls me PK (not joking). Its super frustrating to be so passionate about something and be so bad at it. Every year I spend hundreds of dollars on plants, seeds, soil only to kill everything within months sometimes weeks. I research, I plan, I study and nothing. I can buy garden vegetable plants from the store and keep the plants alive but cant get them produce. Ive tried indoor gardening with lights, container gardening, in ground gardening and raised bed gardening with all the same results. I feel like I have even blogged all this trauma before now that I think about it because it s yearly disappointment. I can grow seeds into pods and give them away because I have so many then kill the plants I keep. What gives? I will tell you about 15 years ago I lived on a farm and had the most amazing garden EVER!! I also had the most amazing father in law that tended to it everyday. I had fruit trees and a blackberry garde...

"Simpsons vs Flanders"

The last blog post was about being seen differently by people and not acting the way of the world. I have been mocked a couple times by the way I have chosen my life and Im ok with that, but my heart keeps telling me theres more to say. Its the wierdest thing to have your heart pulled and tugged for what has been on my mind, but the only way to put it to rest is to write it out. The podcast of life church was a series "from this day forward" learning five principles for marriage. I will use the same quote as before, it just got to me,"If you want to have a different marriage and family than everyone else, then you have to do things differently than everyone else". It really is a very powerful statement. We do have rules in our marriage and home that most people think is ridiculous and most of the time my husband thinks they are ridiculous, but weve been married before and you all know how that worked out so, if we want a different marriage, we will have to do differ...