Skip to main content

I just cant


 Im exhausted, Im worn out...I just cant people. I cant even answer or look at my phone its always someone that has an issue, someone that needs something, some decision to be made. Im over it. Why is it so hard for other people to make plans, organize and decide? Why is it always me? Why is it assumed I will handle it all? Wouldnt it be nice for once....just once for someone else to make a plan, to decide, to organize, to pay...Im exhausted. Why am I always accused of being the bad guy and the control freak because no one else will do it so then I make things work and apparently Im the devil. I literally work 7 days a week, 12-14 hour days for everyone to be miserable and unhappy. What gives? If Im busy, Im, rude. If Im non tolerant of drama, Im cold. If Im having fun, Im lazy, If Im happy I must be up to something. If I dress up, Im cheating. If Im hyper then Im too much. If Im quiet apparently something is wrong....I just cant people. I just want to runaway by myself. Why do people feel the need to judge me? I do not have it all together and I dont pretend to. I am a mess....why can I not just be accepted the way I am? What is it God that you created me to be? I have feelings they are crushed, I dont have feelings Im cold. I build houses around the world and feed the homeless, but evict people that dont pay as a career. I literally get griped out all day from people sitting on their couches that Im just not doing enough for them. I am over it. Why me? Why do people not take time to understand each other before attacking them? Why dont people stop and listen? Why do people act like entitled brats rather than human beings? Is this a rant? Probably coming out that way but if I dont get these reoccuring feelings out, Im going to snap. I cant take any more complaints, I cant take anymore hatefulness, I cant take anymore cursing and yelling, I cant take anymore accusing....Im exhausted. I need Jesus. I need peace and clarity in my soul and right now its just cloudy. The weight of the world was never intended for me to carry so why am I carrying it? 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"The List"

Ive thought about love a lot lately. When I first became newly single about a year and a half ago, I tried the dating scene. I should have taken that precious time to get myself together, but the thought of being alone literally paralyzed me. A trusted mentor of mine told me to make a list of the qualities and characteristics I was looking for in a potential partner. I blew it off...just being honest. I feel like placing expectations on someone of meeting the list qualifications or else just doesn't sit right. People change, people make mistakes but, I have since then found myself in confusion and compromising situations because Ive tried to justify each situation and mold it into what I think it could be or should be rather than what it actually is. There have been many times I have recapped our conversation and the thought of making the list has resurfaced. Im ready to write "The List". - Above all he must love God with everything he is and will be. The fear of the Lo...
Post a Comment
Read more

Is this the end?

 I wish I can just say Russia is on the other side of the world and its none of my business what they are doing and go on with my perfect little life but somehow Ive grow up and matured a little and Im scared to death. There are days Im ready to build and fully stock a bunker and looking up survival tactics for a nuclear attack, other days Im convinced it will blow over and other days I think is this the end? Why fight for a life that we would be left with or a life without possibly my children depending where were at when the world breaks out into nuclear war. How would you breathe, drink, eat if no electric or sunshine or chemicals filling the air and burning all life outside. no electric, no banking, no automobiles working because they are powered by electronics. Does paper money have value if you even have it because a banking electronic system wipes out everything in the bank. What about medicines and drs, we are basically back to stone age in a time that people have no respec...
Post a Comment
Read more

Hillsong

 I came across Hillsong music around 1997. I was 17 , just lost my grandfather the most precious person to me and with my heart full of "why Gods", there is just something about Hillsong music that brings me to my knees. This music has been with me through the hardest moments in my life ever since. I had no idea it was a church or school until recently. I have every CD (for those that know what that is haha) and they have been played over and over that Ive had to rebuy them. Now I have Hillsong music on pandora so it plays through my car. I can scream it at the top of my lungs on a good day or say nothing at all on a bad day. Last week I accidently stumbled across the documentary so I watched it. I learned alot. I had no idea any of that had gone on to be honest. I didnt know what to think or say so I took a couple days to process. I have said this before in past post about putting people in the church on pedestals. Yes, I have also been hurt on more than one occasion from mu...
Post a Comment
Read more