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Repurposed

Its been five months since I've written last, I've started so many but just didn't have words of encouragement or even hope for that matter. My work life has been such a whirlwind, my love life haha...what a joke and my family life has been hard. I've never been unmarried long enough to see the long lasting effects of divorce on my own children until this year. Its been a little over two and a half years since I moved out of the farm and not a day goes by that I don't grieve what I have done to my kids. I've spent so much time looking for my purpose and where I belonged in the kingdom of God that I didn't take the responsibility of my kids as my purpose. I spent too much time looking outside of my home life for my missional purpose completely obliterated by the fact it could have been wife and mom in the home I already had.

It has come to my awareness through this fast (yes, its that time of year again) and the dangerous prayer of "search my heart oh God" that I don't follow through on things. I do not finish anything I start. I have half of two bathroom remodels, have an office remodel, started Rosetta Stone, have incomplete Brokers classes and real estate classes that I have signed up for and paid for all because of my impulsive "I'm going do this right now" and when I get everything and started then tired....basically, I'm done. Going back to finish the job just doesn't happen unless I'm back in the mood. I don't finish laundry, I do half...what is the deal? I don't want to be known as half in. I want to finish what I started.

I have started over in my career and as I'm reevaluating my previous numbers and business, I realize that I never had structure. I never worked my business as a business it just always fell in my lap. The truth is after ten years, everyone knows someone else that sells homes. I am not a common household name anymore for buying and selling homes. I am a household name when it comes to rentals. I can only sit back and wonder is this the end of real estate and beginning into full time rentals or a new opportunity to keep moving in a new direction selling homes. A business growth spurt, restructure time.

Refinish, restructure, re purpose, repair, restore is what is on my heart. Taking something old and making it new. God does that for us. He takes the old life, old heart, old habits and transforms them into something new. Sometimes the sanding down of our hearts and habits can feel worn and broken down, but as each layer gets sanded down it brings new purpose and life. The end result of the restoration he brings back to us to build his kingdom is worth so much more in value than we were before. All the hurts and bruises are healed. The scars that are left are just character in the masterpiece as each piece is one of a kind and unique. The brokenness is repaired and stronger than before. How many things can you think of that are "vintage" ok, ok "old" that have more value now with the wear and tear and/or have been restored than they were worth when they were brand new? There is value to our hurts and struggles and when the layers are sanded back and refinished, we shine and sparkle far more than we ever did before. That is the artistry and heart of God for us.

I have believed the lie that you only get one shot at this and when you blow it your no longer worth anything or a constant pattern of fail, repent start over fail, repent start over fail and thinking at some point I had too many fails to be used in Gods kingdom. I felt like I made the decision to follow Christ and then failed when life hit me so I'm out...not good enough and not worthy. It really doesn't work that way. We see God through many different aspects in our lives in all seasons and situations. He is constantly moulding and guiding us. It is not in the good times that we listen to him and create change, it is usually in breakdown or crisis mode that we finally get on our knees and beg willing to do anything to take us out of our current situations. Breakdowns and breakthroughs are when the most growth takes place because our hearts are open to let him move within us and change. I'm not saying you have to be in crisis mode for God to move, but I'm saying that's usually when we surrender and let him. Its hard to hear God when things are just wonderful because for the most part we aren't looking for him. Perhaps, he keeps me in crisis mode so that I keep seeking him until I graduate and learn to seek him faithfully all the time (its been a process).  "Sometimes God delivers us from our problems; sometimes God delivers us through our problems" from the book "Draw the Circle"  by Mark Batterson.

I have never been interested in "old stuff" until the last few years, my view has changed and I deem them as treasures when I find them. Some I use proudly the way they are and some I refinish, re purpose or restore but all of them are treasures and valuable to me and that is how God sees us. Were all unique and might not be anyone or everyones taste or collective, but we are to those people that see our value, worth and shine even with our scars. Most importantly we are Gods treasured pieces. To be treasured by the King of Kings, makes us pretty valuable and worthy.

Our life is the journey of constantly being re purposed to make us who and what we are. The final masterpiece is at the end when we look back and see what we made of the opportunities and teachings that were given to us or the struggles we went through to become the final art piece, much like a diamond made from coal. A piece of coal has to have constant pressure and time before becoming one of the most sought after precious jewels in the entire world. It is through our struggles we find the beauty and rarity of our individuality and uniqueness that bonds us and/or attracts us to others for the purpose of growing the kingdom of God. I went to a yoga class this week (finally, I've been wanting to forever) and through the journey at the end what I like to all nap time (not the proper term) the instructor had reiterated that we are all unique and Gods masterpiece (yes, we know) but, she said "the canvas doesn't tell the artist what and how to paint". The artist (God) doesn't need our thoughts and ideas or input on how to design our lives, he needs us to sit still so he can work in us and through us to make the masterpiece (life) he has designed.....let God do a work of art in you and through you. Repurpose your pain and struggles and let God restore you and reuse you for his glory not in just the good times, but in the storms as well. God gives us rainbows after the storm as his promise to never flood the earth again, he wont flood you either so lets dance in the rain.


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