The choice is yours....

I have been in very focused heavy prayer in the last two weeks. Im not really looking for right and wrong answers, but more for vision. Open my eyes Lord so that I see opportunities to share your word and testimony which is what  we are here to do. Its hard to do that when Im so focused on my daily life of "todos". I go and go and go but really reflecting, none of it is for the kingdom. Its all surviving this world and as Im maturing in my relationship with God, I have learned that I am not of this world and dont need to be pleasing to it because in the end that will get me no where. I have words and life that have been spoken over me through different times and events and Im just not sure what they mean. Its ok to not always know, but I love the fact that I am now sensitive to it, meaning that I have matured enough to recognize Gods presence, which is incredible. Ive spent some time learning to know Gods voice and discerning when things are from him or not. Ive learned that it must line up with Gods word, and that if I wait for confirmation that usually it is from God. I am learning his truth over Satans lies and it sets up a major spiritual battle in my head and heart so my actions right now seem to be like a wobbly toddler. I feel it and stand up tall but the battle keeps me toddlin, I know in time as more battles are won that I will continue to get stronger. Im going through alot in my personal life and in the last week two people have said the same thing to me back to back. I have not questioned the decisions I have recently made until that moment which sent my inner self into a major emotional meltdown. It was as if there was no life in me the last couple days as this battle just keeps going on inside of me and Im praying and crying out to God with all that I have. I felt so strongly that  what I was doing was the right thing until then and now, Oh Lord, what did I do, how did I miss this so badly and so big affecting so many people in my life that I love so very much? Then it came....in a new book I started reading and all the truths were confirmed. Everything I did was in alignment and everything I had known to be true were confirmed and validated. My spirits perked up, my eyes dried up, my face had a smile and its as if life just came back to me. It felt so science fictiony, but it was so amazing to see where I was to where I went to that moment when the battle had been won. It brought me closer to God, it opened my eyes and heart to finally see him so clearly. I focused on him through the fire and  I came walking out unharmed and stronger. Absolutely amazing. I started a new bible study about Gideon finding strength through weakness and it was another 60 minute confirmation of my path even though there are a handful of people who dont agree and alot of people who cannot understand why or what is going on. The truth is this...there are two-three sides to every story and because I choose to take the high road on this event in my life doesnt mean Im in the wrong. Just because other people dont understand or agree, does not make me wrong. I am not arguing or explaining my position to anyone, I am just following the agreements in my heart with my creator and one true love that has completely captivated my heart. Sometimes we have to step out of the box and make radical changes to make a radical impact and live a radical life. I dont want to be so wrapped up in this world of all the day to day garbage that is meaningless when its all said and done. I only get one life and have already wasted a fourth (I hope a fourth) of it worrying about tomorrow and reminded of the past instead of making each present day count. I want to experience God in a radical way and to do that I cant be in the hamster wheel of just doing the daily routine by living a mediocre life making paycheck to paycheck to just get me by. God has more, there is more to life than the daily routine and I want to live it. I dont want to spend my life working to make more money to buy more stuff, I dont want more stuff, I want more life. I want to explore, create, impact, change, inspire, love, serve and grow being fulfilled with all I am and was created to be. Someone posted on facebook yesterday "if you could do any job you wanted, what would it be and why", now I could have typed answers all day long because I want to do alot of things but I went with cooking (chef) because I love to create things. I want to be a worship leader, but dont have the gift of singing only passion. I want to be a speaker, but Im stage fright, word vomit, sweat, and shake. I want to be a doctor and help people who are sick, but dont have time, money, or brains to do it. I want to travel and serve, but it takes money. I realized that I have alot of passion for alot of things, but I followed everything with "buts" instead of truths. I let fear block me from all the things that I love to do and if Im real honest the things God is calling me do. I still let Satans lies impact what I am actually called to do and the very fact that I know it and still choose to do nothing is sin in itself. Why do we all have something else we'd rather be doing if we had no "restrictions" and make excuses as to why we cant, but continue on our hamster wheel just getting by? Dream big and live it..... it is where I want to be, it wont happen overnight but have to I have to start somewhere and choosing to live radically is a great first step because decision has been made. Im passionate, Im excited and Im on fire....so now what?