Beautiful thing

There are times in our lives that we get so bogged down with emotions, feelings and thoughts. Some of what others say about us or to us or even about other people and then there are the thoughts, feelings and emotions of how we view ourselves and others. In high school we called it drama, and some never seem to outgrow it but for me, I have just come to the point where Im tired of hearing negativity from others and from within myself. We are blessed with so many beautiful things in the world from the things we can see, smell, hear and experience to the way things just work for us and around us to complete a full day and get us to the next including our bodies. There are miracles taking place in every moment and aspect of our lives, but yet we focus on the things that dont go our way or the things we dont like. Negativity is a mind set and in some cases really an addiction. People seem to cling on to it and always have to be in some kind of trial or storm. The beauty about God is that he works in and through us when we are in a storm and without them we wouldnt have rainbows to celebrate his goodness. Sometimes we want the rainbow before the rain, but the glory of God can be found in the entire storm and is to be uplifted and praised at the end. He shows us that he is God, our comforter, our Father and that everything will be ok when we trust in him. That doesnt mean the outcome we wanted but things will be just how he aligned them to be for the purpose it was intended. I take storms and try to find the lesson or message. I ask God to speak to me, stretch me, grow me and make me His daily, so naturally I should look for trials and storms because thats where God is found. God has spoken to me and asked that I get rid of anything in my life that has or is keeping me from completely being His and there are many things that are not so easy to walk away from, yet I know that my faith is strong and my heart is pure to do what he has asked and I know that his promises will stand throughout this process. There are a lot of things going on in my life right now that I am not ready to share, but I will at the right time. Im not sure the reason why Im going through some of this, but I do know that he has a perfect plan for me and Im willing to follow it at whatever the worldly cost. I have opened my eyes and heart to clearly see the negative influences in my life and around me and have dissolved some of those relationships. When I became a new creation in Christ, I gave my heart and soul to Christ and in order to be obedient, I need to follow his word. I think we get so busy and are so easily distracted with so much to do and to get it all done that we forget to breathe, sit back and enjoy. I hear more from God when I take time out to put myself in a time out and just be still. I have a joke within myself to not let me be left alone with myself because my heart and mind just race and I hear things from God that I dont want to hear because I know I need them. I still try to outrun God not because Im faster or better, but usually I feel I cant let go of control or sometimes out of fear, but have since learned that is disobedience and sin, which is not where I would ever want to intentionally be with God. This journey has definitely been a process and I know deep down that I have changed very much in the last three years not only seeking God but maturing. I still rebel on the outside and pray for that spirit to be broken. I know that the only way to break it is by being faced with things over and over and over, that is God, but I still seem to be failing miserably as these circumstances are arriving. I have joined a women's bible study group which is completely out of my comfort zone, but we are studying about Gideon and I am excited to learn more. I feel like Im in the same place as some of the people in the Bible and can learn greatly and passionately through this study. I am also reading a study of Paul, I feel compelled to learn from Paul about the burdens and struggles placed on me and what the bible says about them. He has a grace about him that I would like to embrace. When I dig more into Gods word and seek him, my life seems to fall apart around me, but I have an inner passion, fire and peace that have no words to describe and I live for those moments and that fire inspires me and in due time heals and restores. I was completely shattered when I surrendered to God and he is restoring me piece by piece.... some bigger than others and not as fast I would like, but this isnt about me. I want to be put back together the way God intended for me to be built before I took over and did what I wanted according to this world and my fleshly wants and desires. My way didnt work out so great and God has proven himself over and over in my life not because he had to but to get my attention. He has it and I want all his desires for me and my life to be according to his plan so that his glory can shine through me. I love that Im forgiven and can start over anytime and for awhile I took that opportunity for granted to live how I wanted then come back crawling when I was in need. I dont want to live that way, I want to enjoy the beauty he has created for me and not only enjoy it, but to be grateful for it. This world is a beautiful place for those who choose to find the beauty, but it can be a pit of hell for those who choose to live that way and embrace it. Im different, I have always been different, but I have spent my life trying to fit in. Im ready to embrace being me and all the beauty that God has put in me to be a beacon of his light and glory. It really is my life mission to be his faithful servant and even though my heart is there it does not come out of me because I let this life wear me down and Im tired of feeling heavy. I need to let him take the weight so that I can walk upright and be who God designed me to be, it really is a beautiful thing.