The dictionary defines "leader" as a noun stating 1. The person who leads or commands a group, organization, or country 2. A person followed by others......but what really does that mean? We hear people use the expression "natural born leader" is that the same a charisma (people attracted to you or your demeanor). I just got back from a short mission trip in New York and when we got there, they told us we were the leaders and missionaries, whoa really? I mean I get the missionary part but a leader? I just came with a team to go with the flow and be flexible with an open heart as I have been learning throughout my mission experiences and now Im a leader....yikes, I didnt plan for that one. I honestly just felt like one of the women in the home only a few steps ahead of them. We worked with teen challenge program, which is a ministry that is a 14 month addiction recovery program and signing up for the trip, I thought these are my people, I can relate to them because Ive been where they have been. Up until this point I have only participated in task oriented trips not outreach and relationship trips so I was naturally pulled aside by some church members on more than one occasion asking me if I knew what I was doing because this wasnt my kind of trip. I expected relationship issues and maybe a meltdown, Im just known for it on these trips, but it never happened. I stepped out and went door to door promoting an event the ministry and church was doing, that was a first! I have refused to do it on every other trip. I have many reasons for not doing the door to door thing but of course the biggest is confrontation over God, I have never felt experienced in knowledge to argue God and the bible just share it with willing people. Of course my first row of knocking doors, I was thinking "oh yea, I got this....look at me, Im doing it...so accomplished on my Christian path (yes, it was that pathetic in my head also) but about the fifth house, I get a lady that just mocked God and everything I had to say. The group consisted of two students and a missionary (the leader...me, ugh) or staff member of TC. So as this lady is mocking God and the students have a blank stare because they were just passing out invite cards and being happy and joyous in their new life, I had a decision to make, well a couple really. My face is sweating and I was in my jeans and team tshirt with undershirt and it was the hottest day of the whole trip. Im at this ladies door with sweat dripping down my face, thank you GOD for creating sunglasses to hide my dazed stare (and panic) and I decided I had to not only be Christ like as a Christian but also an example to these two young girls and lady. I didnt use sarcasm (really, I didnt) and wasnt rude, I lowered my tone to sympathetic (as my head was tearing that up lol) and offered help in the only ways I could for what she was asking us to do. I did ask her name and we prayed for her and her issues in which she continued to run her mouth about God, so as Im backing down the stairs and driveway, I made a deal with her and she had a smile, she popped off some more and I smiled and then a little sarcasm (I said a little) but she was smiling and on we went. When we were out of site and I caught a breath of air, we stopped and prayed for her specifically by name and need and that if she was in genuine need she would come to the event and let us help her (that was deal we made with her btw). I looked for her all day and didnt see her at all, we had a code of what she would be wearing and look like (part of the deal and sarcasm so I could seek her out and get her help), but she never came that I could see. I looked all day and we were there a good nine hours. It was that moment I realized that I was there not to be apart of the girls, but to be an example for them...ok, ok a leader. As the week went on, I tore myself thinking I wish there was something I could say that would impact at least one of the 30 women I was with. Two girls came in new to the program right off the streets. I talked to each of them only to come back a couple days later to find they had left. They had a right to leave whenever they wanted but to graduate the program your there 14 months. They gave it two days and decided it wasnt for them. I wish as a "leader" I could have said something to keep them there. I talked with several girls and got to know their stories. Of course I shared some of mine with them and dropped a few jaws but I realized is they were watching me the whole time. I was a leader or example the whole time I was there and it didnt sink in until I actually left. I wasnt comfortable talking, I mean really talking to the girls till the last few days, but by watching me they already formed an opinion of me, thats why I got the jaw drop because my actions were different than my words and the whole saying "actions speak louder than words" is correct although many times misrepresented. For example, I cross my arms ALOT. For anyone that knows anything about body language it presents discomfort and unapproachable dont want to be bothered look, but Im always freezing cold! Discomfort, yes, but not because of what Im doing or where Im at because Im freezing cold. Im quiet so people think Im snobby or stuck up because I dont say anything just watch (im an observer), Im not mean, Im shy and dont know what to say and dont talk to people I dont know because I dont know what to say, but Im being interpreted waaaaay differently. I have heard this many times throughout the years and when people get to know me they say, "Your not like I thought you were", I cant tell you how many times I have heard that in the last five years. I just have a hard time talking to people and reaching out because I have always been so independent and competitive that I focus on what needs to be done and do what it takes to do it, in fact by myself is great because I have been burned so many times depending on others that I just dont anymore.The problem is that my compassion and genuiness are overlooked by determination buried with failure to fail and being rejected. I have spent so many years behind my hard core wall, that now that its been busted through, I dont know how to soften my exterior. Im just a big mush ball inside these days but Im trying to close the gap of interior/exterior and just be one genuine me, that doesnt sound so hard right? Well, Im still hearing the remarks so apparently I have alot more work todo.
Im a mom of three boys and lately Ive been finding myself in unfamiliar territory as my older turned 14, I just go with the flow. I dont have a plan, I dont have organized anything, I just know and do when I feel its time for anything. Im finding conversations with myself (yes, I said it) that are more of the lines of what the heck do I do? Im not good at this mom thing, no instruction manual for handling a teenager, support groups yes, but how to book, not so much. I wonder why am I having to go through some of this and the answer is always because your the parent. Which is along the lines of the leader because by definition I am leading a group. Why do they keep coming to me, I dont have all the answers....oh wait, Im their leader (example). A parent is the leader and/or example of the home...ah ha. I feel so helpless, Im just going with the flow of daily life as I was going with the flow on my trip and all of a sudden, Im a leader an example (yes, it took me 14 years of parenting to have this breakthrough....stop laughing). I thought I was just the bad guy, the maid, the transportation, the referee, the babysitter so nobody died and I go to prison, the entertainer, the money tree, the nurse, the cook, the disciplinarian, the spiritual guidance counselor, the groomer and personal shopper.....but now Im the leader or example, oh wow! (ok, I always was supposed to be, I just didnt know it...Im self taught at this parenting thing). I get so caught up in going through the motions of life that I forget to enjoy it as a parent and just get the lists crossed off and hope for a gold star. Im supposed to be an example as well, yikes...that stings! The bar has just been raised again.
Ive grown up in the family business of real estate, so Ive learned some things along the way or you could just say real estate is in my blood or genes. When I got my license ten years ago with a local company other than my dads, I focused my attention on being the best (naturally for me, told you I was competitive). I learned real quick that I was not the best and far from it, which with my failure issues just devastated me. Its common for me to give up on anything I cant master because if I cant be the best then I dont want to do it all all. So I did! Yes, I still sold real estate, but I turned into the person who signed up for all the committees and had a goal to win all the awards the company had to offer that wasnt production based. I had a validity to fill and at the time only awards could give me that approval I needed to feel like I was at the top.Then I did, now what am I going to do? What I realized is that in real estate event though we work for one company, we are all individual business' with different approaches, goals and practices of business. I couldnt seem to master being the best associate in the company (number wise), but I could be the best at what I do because I work for my self and I built my imaging and brand off of that. I have a reputation for serving those in need that some others wont even consider and I have a reputation for quality and amazing customer service which is really important to me. What I didnt realize was through those ten years people were looking up to me as an experienced realtor and property manager. Im a leader an example and didnt even know it, but the more phone calls I get asking me how to do things and help people out of their situations or what would you do's.
In all three of these aspects of my life, I have been watched my whole life. Some put me on a pedestal, some cross me off the list by looking at me or judge me by a sarcastic remark Ive made aloud (my way of breaking the ice....working on it lol), but very few take the time to actually get to know me. I read a quote not too long ago that said "dont judge a book by its cover or you might miss an amazing story inside". I know I cant blame everyone else for judging me wrong and it cant be everyone elses problem. Clearly if I hear it over and over and over, there is much changing to do on my part. Im just a normal person trying to find my way through this life, Im nobody important, Im not educated, Im not some political or social stunt, Im not Heather The Great. Im just me and if I can share to anyone my experiences to help them do better, then count me in. I am realizing that any teaching moment that is asked of me, means Im an example to someone which is by definition a leader which really would make all of us leaders so it would really just boil down to this question...are you living a life worth anyone following?
Im a mom of three boys and lately Ive been finding myself in unfamiliar territory as my older turned 14, I just go with the flow. I dont have a plan, I dont have organized anything, I just know and do when I feel its time for anything. Im finding conversations with myself (yes, I said it) that are more of the lines of what the heck do I do? Im not good at this mom thing, no instruction manual for handling a teenager, support groups yes, but how to book, not so much. I wonder why am I having to go through some of this and the answer is always because your the parent. Which is along the lines of the leader because by definition I am leading a group. Why do they keep coming to me, I dont have all the answers....oh wait, Im their leader (example). A parent is the leader and/or example of the home...ah ha. I feel so helpless, Im just going with the flow of daily life as I was going with the flow on my trip and all of a sudden, Im a leader an example (yes, it took me 14 years of parenting to have this breakthrough....stop laughing). I thought I was just the bad guy, the maid, the transportation, the referee, the babysitter so nobody died and I go to prison, the entertainer, the money tree, the nurse, the cook, the disciplinarian, the spiritual guidance counselor, the groomer and personal shopper.....but now Im the leader or example, oh wow! (ok, I always was supposed to be, I just didnt know it...Im self taught at this parenting thing). I get so caught up in going through the motions of life that I forget to enjoy it as a parent and just get the lists crossed off and hope for a gold star. Im supposed to be an example as well, yikes...that stings! The bar has just been raised again.
Ive grown up in the family business of real estate, so Ive learned some things along the way or you could just say real estate is in my blood or genes. When I got my license ten years ago with a local company other than my dads, I focused my attention on being the best (naturally for me, told you I was competitive). I learned real quick that I was not the best and far from it, which with my failure issues just devastated me. Its common for me to give up on anything I cant master because if I cant be the best then I dont want to do it all all. So I did! Yes, I still sold real estate, but I turned into the person who signed up for all the committees and had a goal to win all the awards the company had to offer that wasnt production based. I had a validity to fill and at the time only awards could give me that approval I needed to feel like I was at the top.Then I did, now what am I going to do? What I realized is that in real estate event though we work for one company, we are all individual business' with different approaches, goals and practices of business. I couldnt seem to master being the best associate in the company (number wise), but I could be the best at what I do because I work for my self and I built my imaging and brand off of that. I have a reputation for serving those in need that some others wont even consider and I have a reputation for quality and amazing customer service which is really important to me. What I didnt realize was through those ten years people were looking up to me as an experienced realtor and property manager. Im a leader an example and didnt even know it, but the more phone calls I get asking me how to do things and help people out of their situations or what would you do's.
In all three of these aspects of my life, I have been watched my whole life. Some put me on a pedestal, some cross me off the list by looking at me or judge me by a sarcastic remark Ive made aloud (my way of breaking the ice....working on it lol), but very few take the time to actually get to know me. I read a quote not too long ago that said "dont judge a book by its cover or you might miss an amazing story inside". I know I cant blame everyone else for judging me wrong and it cant be everyone elses problem. Clearly if I hear it over and over and over, there is much changing to do on my part. Im just a normal person trying to find my way through this life, Im nobody important, Im not educated, Im not some political or social stunt, Im not Heather The Great. Im just me and if I can share to anyone my experiences to help them do better, then count me in. I am realizing that any teaching moment that is asked of me, means Im an example to someone which is by definition a leader which really would make all of us leaders so it would really just boil down to this question...are you living a life worth anyone following?
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