Final words?

As I'm preparing to leave for Africa in a week, I'm closing out basically my life. All the business' I run will come to a close out phase to where I can stop and start the bills, money, move ins and outs, while someone else maintains while I'm gone. I have mentioned this before in my blog, but before every trip I close out myself as well. Yes, realistically I could die today or before a week when I leave, however putting myself "out there" makes my chances a little higher. These trips are not the safest and that's why many people don't go, but as I've grown radical in Christ, I don't want to live safe and comfortable because that's not what God has placed us here for or called us to do, particularly me. I've always been known for being "hard" and unemotional, but I've grown up in a military family and that's just how I am. It's not that I don't feel, I just don't express a lot of it. I really feel that this can also be a gift when it comes to traveling the world. I'm stronger and can keep myself/group focused and together in some very sad circumstances. Although I can't speak for Africa because I haven't experienced yet, I thrive spiritually on these trips, my whole reason for being is so crystal clear and even though I'm just one person, I get to be apart of changing people's lives, isn't that what life is really all about? It is too me and I know it's a rarity that someone could just live wholeheartedly for other people but I'm definitely one of them. My biggest regret in life is not falling in love with Christ sooner than I did, I think of all the time wasted that could have been lived for him, however I also know that time "wasted" has molded me into who I am today and knowing God it's all apart of my story. It might not have been a warm fuzzy story but the ending will be and those dark times just make the fuzzy so much warmer when my story does end.

People that take mission trips find that it's hard on them emotionally to see life the way we do there and then come back here and almost feel guilty to a some degree. I don't view it that way, in fact the emotional part I go through is because I have to come back. I would be happy if I could just stay behind. I don't care to have all these luxuries, I'd be happy and probably happier in the deepest village in the middle of nowhere with nothing but my health to have strength to work diligently, it's just my heart. I have so much passion for living the way God designed us to that I find America to be a major distraction. There are no words to describe the feeling inside of me when I walk into a village, my entire world is at peace and in love.

I love my kids, family and friends, but I love God a whole lot more and if I'm sacrificed while doing Gods work then just know that if something happened to me it would not be a tragedy it would be the greatest way for me to go and I would die a fulfilled purposeful life and hope to leave a legacy of example not fear. I pray every day that my boys hearts are set on fire for God and that they pick up their crosses and follow him no matter the sacrifice. My only prayer as a mother is that my boys serve God with all their hearts and lives.

Thank you God for giving me another amazing opportunity to see you, really see you and I pray that through our team others will see you also. I ask angels to fly our planes and your hands and arms to hold us up with your strength. Help us to get the church built so your children can worship, hear and continue to see you even after we are gone. Keep us safe and healthy so we can provide to those there in need and continue to come home and serve the way you have asked of us. Open our eyes to the work you want us to do and provide us the strength and endurance to make it happen. I love you and am honored you chose me for this task. Help me to control the thoughts and attitudes that satan has me trapped in and continue to break those chains of bondage. In your name as we lift you up and praise, AMEN.