On the search to seeking Gods will

I started a facebook post tonight, but thought I would get a ton of misinterpretations if I posted it and a call from my mother, perhaps maybe even the suicide hotline.... so I decided to write out the thoughts surrounding it hoping to ease my mothers mind a bit. "There just has to be a better way to do life than the hard way I've chosen....this just cant be it. Exhausted on every level. I'm throwing away my cape as my super hero powers have left me. I am weak. The last piece of sequence and glitter has fallen off my costume. I have no shine and no sparkle left anymore. I find myself once again cold and hard. Is this death or am I just headed that way?" I will not say that I haven't thought about driving off a bridge a few times, but no need to call the ward yet. Although I am still physically breathing...my mental, emotional and spiritual life have died or very close to it. Out of my Christ following five whole years, the last two have been the absolute harde

Its been five months since I've written last, I've started so many but just didn't have words of encouragement or even hope for that matter. My work life has been such a whirlwind, my love life haha...what a joke and my family life has been hard. I've never been unmarried long enough to see the long lasting effects of divorce on my own children until this year. Its been a little over two and a half years since I moved out of the farm and not a day goes by that I don't grieve what I have done to my kids. I've spent so much time looking for my purpose and where I belonged in the kingdom of God that I didn't take the responsibility of my kids as my purpose. I spent too much time looking outside of my home life for my missional purpose completely obliterated by the fact it could have been wife and mom in the home I already had. It has come to my awareness through this fast (yes, its that time of year again) and the dangerous prayer of "search my heart oh