A "Joseph" moment

I grew up learning that if everything around me is falling apart, then maybe its me. Its taken years in my adult life to interpret things that have fallen apart for me and what they were supposed to mean. Theres the serendipity phrase, "ifs its meant to be it will" and "when a door closes another opens". Why do bad things happen to good people has been in my heart since my best friend was diagnosed with cancer in kindergarten and I have questioned God ever since. Through the years, it seems that the most tragic events happen to the best people and their families, I just cant imagine. Going through my own very small trials compared to the rest of the world, I have shaped and molded and reformed myself multiple times with the same outcomes when it comes to relationships with people. I still wonder if its me or even the possibility that I choose the same type of people around me therefore getting the same results in the end. I have been in bed with what appears to be a broken heart the last couple days finding myself learning more about God and how he uses situations and circumstances to shape us in HIS form. All a person really has to do to make themselves feel blessing and gratitude is turn on the news or look through facebook feeds of what is really going on in the world and all of a sudden its as if you really needed a good laugh and a pity party becomes fastly over. It seems very insignificant my small issues compared to what other people are going through, but the common denominator is this: God uses us all in different ways and allows things to happen to help shape and mold us to HIS plan for us and to cling to him giving everything we have regardless of the outcome. Theres no better illustration than Joseph. His father Jacob worked years to win Rachel, the love of his life only to find himself married and lying in bed with her sister Leah. His love was for Rachel so he continued to work another seven years for her. Can you imagine, what went through his head when he was cheated after all he had done? He was an honest, hardworking man and this happened. He kept going and the father in law repeatedly cheated him. I have been cheated  by the same person repeatedly in my life and my reaction was nowhere near his. I let bitterness and resentment and almost hatred grow roots in my spirit only to cut them down to be cheated and lied to again. At this point, I know God is asking if I have learned from it and moving on or letting myself go to the same dark place. After Jacob married Rachel the love of his life she remained baron for many years, but Leah had given him the family he always wanted, until Joseph was born.God rewards our sorrows with his purpose in HIS own timing. Joseph was favored from day one and all his brothers knew it, Rachel went on to have Benjamin as well the youngest of all the brothers. Joseph had Gods vision and protection with him and was highly favored so much that his brothers sold him to be a slave. This broke Jacobs heart, as he was lied to unknowingly but losing his son that he loved so much as well. Can you imagine how he felt towards God while all these bad things were happening to him when he dedicated his life to being a Godly man and had integrity, character, and very noble. Joseph  worked his way up from slave to Pharaohs right hand man,  only to be accused of something he did not do and put in prison for years after being setup by Pharohs wife. Think about being in confinement and prison for years for something you didnt do especially after being the Pharaohs right hand man for all those years, but he sits in prison. Doubting God, remembering what his brothers had done to him, why did all these bad things happen to him, what did he do, do you ever wonder what he felt as he went through it.... can you imagine how you would react if it were you in his place? What was Gods purpose in putting him in confinement and ruining his reputation? He was hurt but not harmed. Our pastor used this phrase this last Sunday, not about Joseph but about trials and hurts that we have endured in lives that sometimes we take hit after hit and we are hurt repeatedly but not actually harmed. God has purpose and plans for everything that happens in our lives and when Joseph became second in command he was in position to deal with his brothers and yet had grace and mercy on them. He embraced and loved and protected. He was sent ahead to protect his family and his people. The journey there was test of faith, the strengthening of spirit and when he repeatedly gave all he was to God he was blessed back times over and over by his faithfulness. I can no longer lay in bed in mourning with depression and sadness and the "why me" cries when I read this story. I have to call out to God and say where do you want me Lord instead of "Why Me". God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things and he has purpose in all that we go through. We are conditioning, practicing, strengthening, enduring, challenging and testing for the moment God puts us in the place he created us to be and we cant do it without a clear heart and rid the bitterness, hurt, resentment and pain others have caused us. I have been beaten, hurt, lied to, cheated on, lied about and emotionally broke....but I have not been harmed and the testimony builds stronger. This life is to short to give up on when other people tear me down, I want to find purpose in my pain and use it for the Glory of God instead of putting back up the walls that were once standing. I will not let Satan win victory over my heart and will not give up. My heart belongs to God and he is the guard and lover of my heart and soul. I wonder about the heart and its ability to love so much and hurt so much, but actually not miss a beat. Does love really come from the actual heart itself or does it come from the brain? The heart is a muscle in our body that has the most important job of keeping us alive physically, but what about emotionally? Ive said it many times before, but I hate to be alone. The thoughts in my head just push me too far, but I know that God has me to just stop and stand still sometimes to receive him and when Im in the why me moments I have the greatest breakthroughs almost visions just like Joseph that keep me on that straight path. I can see things so clearly but usually only in turmoil because for me when things are good, I seem to handle my own business but times of sorrow I focus on God. If God has to keep me in a place like this to keep me seeking him, I believe he will however, I hope I can grow out of this to where I can see him past sorrows and in all goodness that he is all the time. Its amen at my highs and amen at my lows.....the in between is a bit foggy and I think thats what we are in the process of working out well, he is in the process of working out in me. Things keep falling in on me and I feel myself crumbling but I know even though I have been and am currently shattered that each piece will be put back together stronger than before. I know Satan uses this time to keep kicking me down everytime I try to get up, but I know this is where I learn to grow and trust in God the most. Im going through a "Joseph" moment in life and am being attacked from all directions even though I stand in faith and live right. I need this "Joseph" moment and Im prepared to do it with God by my side as did he with Joseph. I may be hurt, but I am not harmed. If God is for me than who can be against me?