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Oh....I get it now (about time)

I'm ashamed and a bit embarrassed to even admit this after being a Christian 20 years (2 years being a Christ follower).....that there have been many times I questioned if God is real. The fact is I learned that we follow Jesus because he was innocent/pure and died for our sins, but the truth is innocent people die for other people all the time. The truth is there are people in the ministry that die for their religion and for worshiping God all the time and we don't worship them. It's not all the time I feel this way but it has crossed my mind several times throughout the years. I question God usually in times of tragedy when innocent lives are lost and it seems more and more recently (lives lost, not questioning God).

My family has been watching "The Bible" series and I'm seeing the bible differently. The fighting, wars and innocent life lost a lot over greed. I love watching Gods favor and the miracles, but am distraught by the violence. I can't help but think that is what living in the Middle East is still like today and only wonder as "doomsday" and "the end of the world" and the "end times" approaches if that's how life to be will be for us in our near future. If that's the case it saddens me to think that our daily problems are our jobs, friends/relationships, finances, bad drivers, what someone might say about us and who offended us and things we want but dont have. Our "problems" are absolutely pathetic compared to real life. Gods favor was lost when greed set in from kings thinking they didnt need God. In fact, they saw themselves as God so much that any prophet that spoke against them was put to death. All of the kings knew they were wrong going against God, but so much greed overruled.

I see how they lived in those times and I've seen how people in poverty live and other cultures and then I see how Americans live and behave. I havent been much of a political person but in the last 5 years I have seen how the country is ran determines Gods favor and honestly with the "natural disasters" increasing, I can't help wonder how many warnings do we need before we see what God is telling us. Greed has taken over America and I can only imagine what God has in his fury for us until we either surrender or are gone. Before every mission trip, we are briefed on the culture and customs of where we are going so we dont offend or even break the laws unknowingly....if someone was coming to America, what list of etiquette and culture customs could we possibly give them?

I'm not sure how all this came about but this morning as I was getting ready for work it's like a stone was thrown at my head and the answer was knocked into me out of no where. The reason we call Jesus the Savior is not because he was innocent and died, but because he rose again. Did you read that right? He rose from the dead three days later....you need to be excited about this!! As Easter is drawing near we always celebrate that he has risen and why after all this time did I just now really realize the significance of Christ other than the son of God. Hes not like anyone else that died innocently or for faith....He rose from the dead people!!!! Oh, the guilt and remorse has set in and I feel so bad for ever doubting. It was never intentional and I'm sure Satan the master of my thought destruction didn't help, regardless I take responsibility and am overwhelmed by emotion that I ever doubted. This is a learning journey and this lesson is one in which I wished I grasped sooner. We have a mighty God who are we to question his existence when history plainly outlines how we even got this far. The story has already been written and I know who wins, I have always believed that but the actual awareness of God and who he is just seems so much bigger to me lately. I grew up believing in God, and really did when something bad or good happened but knowing him and who he really is not so much. Its really hard to be in a relationship with someone when you have no idea who the other person is at all. When your in a relationship and you know someone then you become intimate and one, you know and trust that person with yourself and usually your life, but so often we dont really give that to God. WHY? He would be the one Id rather be in relationship with over anyone on this planet, have you seen his work? Oh my, in love. There are things I question and dont understand but that only makes me human (I think). Christ was the ultimate sacrifice and then he rose again....that is why God is the powerful and almighty and why I put my trust in him. There is none like him, and thats the one who I want to give my whole self to. Next lesson please Lord.....



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