"On cue"

As I spent the last few days in Africa, I've been trying to figure out my purpose here. The churches turned out to be steel which Im unfamiliar with, so I've gone with the women to do what I thought was feedings and turned into home visits (my least favorite part of every trip). I havent been able to pray "on cue". I feel like I need to be led by the spirit. This has NEVER gone well with church groups as they have always tried to force this kind of ministry on me and my answer has always been "NO"! I am very intimate with God in my own way, I don't need someone telling me who, what or when I have to pray. I'm not scared or fearful, I just have a more intimate relationship with God when it comes to prayer. For starters, I speak in tongues, exactly how is our translator supposed to convey that in places that are full of witchcraft. If someone came to my house and started praying for me all crazy, I would not be coming to God...I would push God further as I did previously in my life after my experiences with "Christians" or "believers"....I just think they can get carried away and can scare many away. Secondly, I find and this is my experience and opinion only....but we already have a communication and cultural barrier. The statement "God will heal you" can't be relayed in the way it's meant, therefore taken out of context, I believe more damage could be done. I'm not doubting God can, but I do know he doesn't always do therefore when you tell someone in a different culture and language or unbeliever who asks for prayer for sickness and you tell them Jesus WILL heal them if they come to him or church and its said in front of a whole family or village and then you leave and they don't get better or even die, then in my opinion, you have just misrepresented God and that family will turn their backs because he didn't answer their prayer. I do believe in provision and I do believe in miracles but I also know that in his word "healing" isn't always physical so when a person is HIV positive and are asking for healing and then dies....I think the healing should have been taken place in the spirit to be at peace and for strength to feel better. But what about everyone who prayed real hard and God didn't answer the prayer, what do you think the other people, youth and children will do? I'm guessing give up the God "thing" because it doesn't work. I know that these prayers and/or promises are made in great pure intentions but to people living in destitute and poverty they put their only hope in God to heal the physical and even though I know he's capable and miraculous he doesn't always do what we ask and when we ask. He is the ultimate healer but that can have many meanings. I think these prayers should be made specific to their needs but I am not comfortable telling them if they come to church or accept Christ that they will be healed of all their despair. Healing doesnt just happen because you attend church, you have to open your heart and be willing. Gods healing thats promised in the bible covers alot of different varieties of healing....physical would be the least of my worries. I also have a hard time with home visits because again even though people have great hearts and intentions it can be degrading to think these rich people are coming here and think I need everything better....majority of these families are ok with who they are and how things are done. Who are we to come in and pray that their life gets better? I LOVE taking food, bibles, building homes and churches, clothing and digging wells for clean water for people in need and God asks us too in his word. I like productivity and promises I can follow through with for example we just visited a church yesterday. We had to walk a ways to a relatives house to use the restroom (hole). I noticed they had started a restroom by the new church building and asked when it would be finished. The pastor said they were out of money and couldn't finish it until they got more money. I had the missionary we are working with tell me how much they needed to go back there after we left and finish the restroom. He came back with an amount and I paid him. Today, I realized that the team was trying to get non believers to visit the church as a community outreach and we handed out a bag of food (my fav part of the day) to each family. I noticed that we prayed for them and laid hands and recited scripture but I also experienced the walk it took to get to the church and with some of their ages, disabilities and fear of the western world religion that some weren't going to come to the church even though they were glad we came and grateful for the food. I asked the missionary how much it would take to buy bibles to leave with them on the next home visit. My thought was for people who can't make it or not sure about it they can read it in the privacy of their own homes and maybe over time to their children and neighbors. Breaking the traditions of their witchcraft culture may not publically be acceptable but if their hearts are curious they can begin to learn and grow. I love praying with them and for them for their strength and safety, for their needs and families, for their prosperity and government, for tools and resources. But I just can't go crazy praying on someone I don't know for a physical need and tell them they will be healed in the name of Jesus! What if its not in Gods plan for them? Asking for favor from God by healing their bodies ok, but telling them they WILL be healed if they come to Jesus not so much. You have to seek to find and you have to answer the knock at your heart. Being a Christ follower allows us to have gifts of different kinds and home visits have just not been for me up to this point (I know that could change at any time, its how God works) and the thing is that I tell the people on my team and missionaries ahead of time so there's no problems when we get on site and yet, every single time someone gets offended when I'm asked to pray and I say "no". I don't even agree with home visits in America, how do you think because I'm away from home that I will just change and be "on cue"? I'm waaaay to stubborn to be challenged on an area I feel so strong about (by humans, I believe God will on his timing) yet every trip I get crossed at least once. I try not to be that person, but when I tell you ahead of time that I will not participate then you try putting me on the spot or attempt forcing me to "get out of my comfort zone" were not gonna mesh well. (Yes, Im still working on the attitude). I think resources and tools should be available at the church and people should be well informed where they can go to get services if they want them, but just as we close the door or hide from Jehovah's witness' we are doing the same thing to people and it just makes a situation that does not sit well with me, I think believers are too verbally pushy and exhausting instead of showing and doing acts of service and living Christ like. Alot do both and I respect that, but still very pushy about believing what they do and not being sensitive to most situations because they have never been there themselves so the get a pity look upon the people, thats not what people in need want to see and hear. They will see love, joy and peace by example. The pastor we talked to today said they created their own poverty by the way they live. They need to clean up and change the way they believe and live, then they will be blessed and will continue to grow and thrive. I think he was very accurate in that statement and a great man. I will offer any resource I can to help these villages help themselves, but I can't do it all for them and I can't promise God will either (even though he is capable). We don't know his plans, but we know his word. The problem is that we are good at manipulating Gods word to work in our favor for almost any topic. I know this could be debated and challenged as we all have our own beliefs and perspective, and I know my opinions are not going to be embraced, but this blog is my journal and a weight has just been lifted off my spirit so I can go to bed at peace. I love people and doing Gods work, please don't take what I'm saying out of context, I just think we as Christians should be a little more insightful of a bigger picture than just how we grew up learning in Sunday school. There is a real spiritual diverse world out there and I think sometimes we are too pushy about throwing our faith and beliefs on someone that believes differently than we do. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE watching miracles and people fired up in prayer, I would just like some people to be a bit more considerate to those who don't feel the same way.

"When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full....And when you pray, do not keep babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words" (Matt 6:5,7)

There are many ways to communicate to God, it doesn't have to be verbally. Many people pray through writing or worship. Some with quietness in a closet or an encounter with the Holy Spirit where you can begin a relationship of communicating with God. I don't pray out loud very much, but I talk to God a lot, like all day an ongoing conversation. He is apart of me all the time. It's ok to have different beliefs but its not ok to criticize or judge others that don't agree with the way to interpret or communicate with God. The truth is God called us all to ministry and he didn't give limitations on what we feel we should do, he just said "Go". He didnt say "Go do what you feel you want to do or are comfortable with" he said "Go unto all the world and preach the good news" he also tells us to be the hands and feet of Jesus not the brain so in all honesty, my opinions mean nothing and as I learn what more of him and less of me actually means and embrace it, then I'm just not "there" yet. This is a journey to me and this context shows me that I'm still pretty far from my destination. I'll get there, but one step at a time.