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Is there a Plan B?

I've said it before and I'll say it again when you ask God to speak to you, and you say your all in, you better be ready for anything....Oh my! I got a dose of my own medicine. Let me just say I was so freaked out that I ended my fast 6 days early (which I'm not proud of) but was totally freaking out over what I was feeling.

As you know I've mentioned my heart changing for children including my own. I've mentioned before my wheels were turning about homeschooling. My kids are totally excited about the thought. If we started it, it wouldn't be until next year. You also know I like to stay busy and many of you know I love to create new things. Putting all this into perspective, I'm thinking I could homeschool and make things and sell them furniture, clothing, food for money just as the proverbs 31 woman.
That is all very scary to me, but becoming a reality more and more....just wait it gets worse lol.

It's not a secret that I struggle with children including my own. The last couple months I have been around many people wanting to adopt and/or foster parent. In addition to financially supporting a foster care/orphan ministry. I also have been to orphanages on all my missions trips and as I questioned God many times in the last few years it couldn't have been understood so clearly as it was on this fast. God is working in me and preparing me for this ministry. I'm excited and skeptical, only God could take an anti kid person and turn my heart into ministry of this kind.

There are some fuzzy details, but I believe the answer that I have sought after the last couple years is unfolding in front of my very own eyes. I also believe that the "hardcore" in me has prepared me for the heartache that goes on in some of these situations. Even though I have become more tender and sensitive, there are things that just don't bother me like others. I notice it on mission trips, and I've been asking God why I seem so heartless compared to everyone else and I'm seeing that maybe I'm just built a little stronger which is a gift to be able to withstand the harder parts of working with children and I believe the kids will need someone like me that can hold it together when everyone else crumbles. Oh Lord, please help those kids that will be put in my path LOL.

Maybe this could be my chance for a little girl lol, but most important this could be an opportunity to let Gods glory shine upon those kids. As foster parents or in ministry, we have an opportunity to show these kids who Jesus is and we may be the only family they will ever know. We have an opportunity and small window to shape their lives and could impact them in a way that could change the course of their lives forever. This is HUGE! It's a huge responsibilty, but what an honor for God to trust us with his most precious gifts, he loves children and has given me the heart to care for them and teach them. Yes, I realized those words just came out of me...I told you it was freaky.

Asking you for prayer as I step out in unfamiliar territory completely in faith and obedience, but I can't help wonder if there is a Plan B option because I'm just that stubborn. Children God really? Is this what all these orphan missions were about? Is this a new plan or did I just finally open my eyes and heart? Too be honest, I'm excited to follow Gods plan for me because I know that's where my joy, happiness and fulfillment is. There's a significance amount of security that I have when I know I'm following God that I just don't have when I do my own thing. To live off of pure energy and excitement of what God has in store for you is the greatest feeling in the world. Struggling is not struggling when your 100 percent in with God. There is no void and you miss nothing because your 100 percent satisfied and filled. I believe to live that way all the time will be the greatest part of my life....and I'm so looking forward to it.

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