On the search to seeking Gods will

I started a facebook post tonight, but thought I would get a ton of misinterpretations if I posted it and a call from my mother, perhaps maybe even the suicide hotline.... so I decided to write out the thoughts surrounding it hoping to ease my mothers mind a bit. "There just has to be a better way to do life than the hard way I've chosen....this just cant be it. Exhausted on every level. I'm throwing away my cape as my super hero powers have left me. I am weak. The last piece of sequence and glitter has fallen off my costume. I have no shine and no sparkle left anymore. I find myself once again cold and hard. Is this death or am I just headed that way?" I will not say that I haven't thought about driving off a bridge a few times, but no need to call the ward yet. Although I am still physically breathing...my mental, emotional and spiritual life have died or very close to it. Out of my Christ following five whole years, the last two have been the absolute harde