On the search to seeking Gods will

I have a had a couple people sarcastically say that I'm out trying to save the world, so I thought Id share my experiences with missions. I felt the calling to missions about 13 years old and always believed I would be a missionary in Brazil at an orphanage that was built by extended relatives and supported by my local church as well as other churches. Lets just say, my life took a different turn when I moved to California at 15 years old and instead of graduating, going to bible college and dedicating my life to becoming a missionary... I became a rebellious, drug and alcohol abuser, runaway and high school dropout. I was introduced to a church about three years ago that was doing a mission trip in Brazil and I just knew it was a "sign", so I signed up to go. I was depressed and my marriage was at the end of its existence, financial strain was intolerable and I was stressed to the max with rental property and real estate. Almost time to go and I found out I was pregnant

Ive been wondering over the last few weeks why I'm so calm about the "catastrophic" events (In Heather world) that would normally send me over the edge, for instance, tenants. Usually I have a small fuse and almost every moment of the day that I'm dealing with tenants is negative and full of anger. The last few weeks I have had major financial blows (which usually sends me over the edge by itself), tenants moving out without pay or notice, trashed houses, been to court numerous times lately, had people not pay and heard some pretty mean words from people and yet; I have not yelled, screamed, cursed, called names, thrown, stomped, stormed, huffed or puffed. I cant help but wonder what is wrong with me! (I'm not kidding, I have said that to myself and out loud several times in the last couple months) I have learned lately that the bigger the disaster, the bigger the glory to God is but in no way, shape or form did I consider my job apart of Gods perfect plan. It was